


balancing act

by fictionalinfinity



Series: brick by brick [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Epilepsy, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s03 Miracle Queen (The Battle of the Miraculous Part 2), Seizures, reverse crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25721509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalinfinity/pseuds/fictionalinfinity
Summary: “Besides, being Ladybug always came first. It came before school, friends, and sometimes even family. Now it had to come before her health. Marinette had a duty to Paris. She wouldn’t let them down.”Or, being both Ladybug and the Guardian starts to take its toll on Marinette.-the epilepsy au literally no one asked for
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: brick by brick [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970353
Comments: 124
Kudos: 529





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to preface this story by saying that epilepsy is in no way a universal experience. What you are about to read is based entirely off of my own experience, following my diagnosis and symptoms that I’ve lived with for seventeen years. This is my story, told through the lens of Marinette. 
> 
> Obviously, some things have been changed for creative purposes, while some scenes are based entirely on my own memory. I’ll leave it up to you, the reader, to try and differentiate between the two if you would like to. 
> 
> If anyone has any questions about what you read here, I’d be happy to try and answer them in the comments. 
> 
> With that out of the way, I’d like to thank [Missnoodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missnoodles/pseuds/Missnoodles) for being such a wonderful beta.

The silence of the city gave Ladybug an opportunity to examine herself. 

In the last few months, Ladybug had spent many late nights with Tikki and the kwamis trying to decipher the copy of the grimoire given to her by Master Fu. So much had been left unfinished, unfortunately, and without Master Fu’s guidance, she wasn’t even sure where to begin. 

On top of that, she was being forced to replace all of her temporary heroes. Miracle Queen had revealed all of their identities and they could no longer fight alongside her as they once had. Perhaps she could let them use a different miraculous, or create a new identity with their old kwami? Ladybug didn’t know if she had it in her to train all new temps while the fight with Hawkmoth was just beginning to become more heated. 

Maybe she could give Aspik another chance. He would certainly be familiarized with the way his miraculous worked from the (25,913 horrible, heart wrenching) times he’d used it before. Aspik had also managed to avoid having his identity revealed by Miracle Queen. Besides, now that she had decided to focus on being Adrien’s friend first (his relationship with Kagami was blossoming, and she refused to stand in the way of his happiness), maybe she could learn to work well on a team with him.

It was certainly something to think about. Ladybug would have to speak with Chat Noir about it first. After everything that had happened and that he’d done for her, Chat deserved the chance to take some ownership of team decisions. 

Ladybug remembered just how badly it had hurt Chat to not be a part of the decisions before when she was working with Master Fu. She didn’t think she could stand to hurt him like that again, nor did she ever want to give him a reason to doubt her. 

She gripped her yoyo tightly, struggling to fend off a headache brought on by the heavy thoughts and sleep-deprivation. She’d only managed to get a few hours of sleep that week, and it was showing. Ladybug just knew she’d be falling asleep in class in the morning. 

Ladybug threw the yoyo across the sky absent-mindedly and started to swing, only to shout in surprise as she felt no resistance and began to fall through the air. Trying to slow her fall, Ladybug attempted to throw the yoyo again. Before she could, however, a strong pair of arms swiftly caught her, setting her down gently on a nearby roof.

“You alright, Little Bug? You usually don’t miss like that,” Chat Noir checked her over anxiously, his voice tinged with worry, and she nodded. 

“I’m alright… Just tired, chaton,” Ladybug replied with a sigh, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. She stifled a yawn as Chat smiled softly at her. 

“Why don’t you head on home? Patrol’s almost over anyway and you need sleep,” Chat offered, resting a hand on top of her shoulder. Normally she would have disagreed, but she didn’t have the energy to. 

“That’s a good…” Ladybug was interrupted momentarily by a yawn. “-good idea. G’night.”

“Good night, Bug! Call me if you need me, okay?” Chat Noir bid her farewell and vaulted away. Before she knew it she was safely tucked in her bed, too tired to care how she’d gotten there. 

Marinette did not sleep well.

-

The moment that Marinette woke up, she could tell something was different. It was a strange feeling, almost fog-like, but not unfamiliar. She’d had it often enough as a child, but it had been so long since it had happened that Marinette had almost written it off and forgotten about it. 

Climbing down the ladder from the loft, one of Marinette’s feet went a little numb and slipped off of the rung. She managed to catch herself before she fell any further, but she knew immediately that it was going to be a clumsy day for her. Extra clumsiness had always followed that fog-like feeling when she had been a little girl. 

Dressed and ready for school, Marinette took extra caution going down the multiple sets of stairs in their apartment before grabbing a croissant and running out the door. Unfortunately, she was already running late for school. 

The final bell rang before she made it to the classroom, so Marinette ran faster towards the class who probably already expected her tardiness. She wasn’t eager to lose any more time, after all. The tardy slips were really starting to pile up these days. 

Marinette threw the door to the classroom open, sprinting inside. “Sorry I’m-  _ ack!” _ Marinette began to apologize before the feeling of numbness returned and her fleet slipped out from underneath her and she went crashing flat on her back, knocking the air right out of her lungs. 

She laid there for a moment, vaguely aware of the horrified cries of “Marinette!” (which sounded suspiciously like Adrien) and “Girl, are you okay?!” (that one sounded like Alya), along with some of the other shocked exclamations of worry. Finally, she seemed to remember that she needed to breathe, and began spluttering for air. 

“Ms. Dupain-Cheng, are you quite alright?” Ms. Bustier’s gentle voice sounded from a few feet away. Marinette looked up to see that her teacher was offering her a hand up, and she gratefully took it. 

“I’m… I’m fine,” Marinette replied breathlessly as she was hoisted up. She looked back over the class and surveyed their expressions. Adrien was on the edge of his seat, ready to jump to her aid (which warmed her heart) while Alya had a hand over her chest in horror. Lila looked a little too smug from her seat in the back. The other students seemed to have calmed down a bit now that she was back on her feet. 

Once she was safely seated, Ms. Bustier began class and Alya subtly scooted closer. “Girl, you good? That looked  _ bad,” _ Alya whispered, and Marinette noticed Nino and Adrien peer over their shoulders at her, eager to reassure themselves their friend was alright. 

Marinette nodded silently. “I’ve had worse. It’s just been a rough morning.”

Her friends smiled sympathetically and after that the subject was dropped. Marinette had always been a clumsy girl, after all. 

-

The four of them were seated at their usual lunch table after their morning round of classes, and Marinette was eager for her food. The croissant she’d eaten that morning was already a distant memory. 

“So, we all know Ladybug and Chat Noir have their nightly patrols, right?” Alya began, immediately catching the attention of Adrien and Nino. Marinette tried to feign interest in the topic, but she was simply too tired. 

“Well, last night they were near my apartment, and you’ll never believe this! Ladybug  _ fell. _ Like, she straight up threw her yoyo and missed! That’s never happened before! And  _ then- _ Chat Noir caught her, and it was the cutest thing  _ ever. _ Ladynoir is definitely happening!” Alya gushed as Marinette winced at the reminder of her shortcomings the night earlier. 

It wasn’t like she’d never fallen as Ladybug before (ahem,  _ Stoneheart) _ but it hadn’t happened in a while. It had been jarring to say the least. She could still remember the feeling of her stomach in her throat and the pit of horror as she free-fell. 

Adrien, a rather well-known Ladynoir shipper, didn’t seem nearly as excited by the news as Alya did. “I don’t know, Alya. He was just making sure she was safe, right? I was- I  _ mean, _ I’m sure he was just scared. Ladybug doesn’t usually fall like that. He might’ve thought something was wrong,” Adrien’s voice was serious, as if the idea of Ladybug slipping up and falling actually scared him.

Marinette smiled. It was nice to know Adrien cared. 

“You might be right,” Alya sighed. “Ladybug went home almost immediately after, and I didn’t exactly see anything happen between them. Oh well, it’ll happen someday!”

Adrien’s mood immediately brightened. “Definitely,” he agreed. 

The conversation shifted after that, focused instead on how everyone’s evening had gone, but Marinette found herself tuning it out and instead stared down at the sandwich in her hands. 

Her eyes struggled to focus on the sandwich. It was like Marinette knew it was there, but she couldn’t quite see it no matter how hard she tried. 

“What about you, Marinette? Do anything fun last night?”

She blinked a few times, hoping to make the strange feeling go away but it was to no avail. Her eyes and her brain refused to make the connection. 

“Uh… dudette? You okay?”

Why couldn’t she just  _ look _ at the dumb sandwich? It shouldn’t have required that much effort. Marinette bit back a growl as she forced herself to focus. The harder she tried, the further away the sandwich felt and the more her head ached. 

_ “Marinette!” _

Marinette flinched, dropping the sandwich entirely as she looked up at the worried faces of her friends. “Wh-what?” Marinette stuttered out, stunned. 

“Girl, we’ve been calling you for like, five minutes! What’s going on? You got a grudge against sandwiches or something?” Alya gasped out, exasperated but clearly worried.

Marinette looked at the three of them, still not quite sure what had just happened. “I… I don’t know? Something’s up with my vision, I-I guess.” At that, Adrien frowned and Marinette’s heart started beating a little too quickly. She was trying so hard to be his friend, but old crushes die hard. “Glasses need I maybe? Er, need maybe I glasses?  _ I MEAN- _ Maybe I need glasses!” Marinette forced a laugh, trying to ignore her word vomit and hoping Adrien didn’t notice.

“Oof,” Nino winced in sympathy. “Welcome to the club.”

“Hey, if you need a good optometrist, we got you,” Alya teased, nudging her with her shoulder. “Oooh! You’re gonna have to get your eyes dilated, you’re gonna  _ hate _ that,” her best friend laughed.

Nino nodded in agreement. “Yep, it’s just squinting your eyes and terrible headaches from here on out!” 

Marinette breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe that was all this was, and glasses were the solution. She couldn’t think of any other explanation for the weirdness she’d just experienced, so it had to be that. There was no reason to get worked up about anything. 

Then, Nino set his sights on Adrien and shook his head. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Of course it would be the model amongst us who has perfect vision. Not cool, dude.”

Adrien threw his head back and laughed, her favorite sound since that fateful day with the umbrella in the rain. Then, Adrien turned to face her. 

“For what it’s worth, Marinette, I think you’d look great with glasses,” Adrien smiled. Marinette tried to resist dissolving into a puddle of lovesick goo, chanting the mantra of  _ ‘just a friend’ _ over and over again in her mind. 

-

A few days later and Marinette was feeling much better and more well rested. Her parents had set up a visit with the optometrist as a precaution, but Marinette’s vision had mostly returned to normal. She decided to blame that weird spell in the lunchroom on the sleep-deprivation. 

It was Friday night and coincidentally one of the rare nights that Adrien had no obligations. Lila had of course attempted to take advantage of it, claiming she was looking forward to the movie they’d be seeing that evening and attempting to trap Adrien into going with her, but Marinette made quick work to rescue him after he shot her a panicked glance from over his shoulder. 

“Sorry Lila, but Adrien and I actually have plans tonight! It’s video-game night and we’ve been planning it for  _ weeks, _ I’d hate for Adrien to miss out! Maybe you can make plans for another night?” Marinette suggested brightly, noting the way Adrien wilted with relief out of the corner of her eye. 

Although no one else may have seen it, it was quite obvious Lila was gritting her teeth in annoyance. “But you see, the tickets are for  _ tonight,” _ Lila stressed, earning her a few sympathetic looks. “I can’t return them, and I don’t want to go alone!  _ Please, _ Adrien?” Lila begged, allowing her eyes to water. Marinette fought the urge to roll her eyes. 

Adrien winced. “I’m really sorry, Lila, but I don’t want to go back on plans I made a long time ago. Why don’t you ask someone else to go with you if you don’t want to go alone? I’m sure we can reconnect later,” he offered sympathetically, and if Marinette didn’t know better, she would’ve thought Adrien really felt bad about “ruining” Lila’s night. 

“O-okay, Adrien. I’ll hold you to it!” Lila finished with a lighthearted smile, as if she were just teasing a friend, but Marinette heard the underlying threat buried within the words. Lila would make sure Adrien followed through and hung out with her, although they were safe for the moment. 

Alya immediately volunteered to accompany Lila to the movies, and the liar threw herself into the act, pretending to look forward to their evening. Marinette could see the look of disgust in Lila’s eyes, however, even if Alya could not. 

Once the classroom had emptied of everyone besides herself and Adrien, Marinette turned on the boy with a guilty expression. “I’m so sorry for claiming you were going to hang out with me! You totally don’t have to or anything, I’m sure you have much better things to be doing than hanging out with me, haha, I just couldn’t stand the way Lila was clinging to you, you know? I mean, she  _ didn’t _ even ask you to go to the movies! She just  _ assumed _ you’d go with her! Oh.  _ Oh. _ Oh crap! I essentially just did the same thing! I am so so sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed, I just-” Marinette rambled, hardly pausing for a breath as Adrien’s eyes grew wider and more alarmed. 

“Woah, Marinette, hang on!” Adrien cut her off before it could get any worse, laughing nervously. “It was really nice of you to do that for me, so… thank you. You’re a really good friend,” he smiled softly.

“O-oh,” Marinette stuttered. “Of time! Er, no, any course! Uh, I mean, of course! Any time!” She grinned sheepishly. Adrien chuckled, ever so patient with her. “Well, um, have a nice weekend,” Marinette waved, preparing to turn and leave before she could make it any worse. 

“Marinette, wait!” Adrien called suddenly, making her jump in surprise. She turned back towards him, raising a questioning eyebrow. “I didn’t have any plans tonight, and well, a video-game night sounds kind of fun?” He asked more than stated, his voice surprisingly tentative. 

Adrien must have seen shock on her face because he quickly backtracked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed,” he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Have a nice evening, Marinette,” he bid as he tried to make a hasty retrain. 

“No! A video-game night does sound fun! You should definitely come over, Adrien,” Marinette exclaimed, hoping her smile didn’t look too desperate. If Adrien noticed, he didn’t show it, his expression overshadowed by pure excitement. 

“Really?!” Adrien gasped, voice full of glee. “Thank you, Marinette! This is going to be so much fun.” Marinette nodded numbly, wondering what the hell she had just gotten herself into. 

They ended up walking out of the building with Adrien’s arm draped over her shoulder, earning some thumbs-up and cheers from their classmates as well as an appreciative whistle from Kim. Marinette rolled her eyes fondly at their antics, but Adrien just seemed confused by their antics. 

“So, maybe I’ll finally be able to beat you at UMS tonight? I’ve been practicing since you last faced me, you know,” Adrien winked, making her recall the afternoon when they’d trained together and she’d given him her lucky charm. 

“Doubt it,” Marinette snorted, before freezing in horror once she realized what she’d said. Before she could even hope to apologize, Adrien was laughing at her. 

“Wow! You’re pretty cold blooded, huh? But I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you,” Adrien shot right back in between bouts of laughter and Marinette found herself relaxing. He hadn’t found her rude after all, and he even started to play along. 

Marinette smirked once the realization settled in. “We’ll see, Agreste. We’ll see…”

They entered her parents’ bakery together, and both Tom and Sabine paused what they were doing to express their surprise and delight to see Adrien. 

“Hello, Adrien!” Sabine smiled from behind the till before turning back to deal with a customer.

“It’s good to see you, son! How are you? Marinette hasn’t scared you off yet?” Tom winked, causing Marinette to groan.

“Papa! You can’t just say stuff like that,” Marinette flustered. 

“I’m doing well, sir! I’m excited to be here. Marinette is great company,” Adrien smiled, watching appreciatively as a blush spread across Marinette’s cheeks at his words. 

Tom laughed. “Good to hear. Well, why don’t you two head on up and do whatever you had plans to do. Once the rush calms down, either Sabine or I will bring up some treats for the both of you,” Tom offered, and Marinette smiled at the way Adrien’s eyes lit up at the prospect of food. 

Marinette beckoned Adrien forward, leading him up the staircase to the apartment. She was internally thankful that she’d thought to take down all of her embarrassing photos of Adrien weeks ago, after she’d seen him get ice cream with Kagami. 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen your room, but I have to say, I think there might even be more pink around since the last time I was here!” Adrien commented, but Marinette couldn’t be sure if he was being appreciative or teasing. She chose a reply that worked for either view. 

“Pink is a very nice color,” Marinette shrugged. Then, she gestured for him to have a seat at her desk. “Alright, you remember the rules, obviously. Do you want to play partners or against each other?”

Adrien hummed thoughtfully. “Why don’t we start as partners? It’ll give us a chance to warm up before we really face off,” he grinned his cheshire grin, reminding her almost of Chat Noir.

_ Whoa, _ she did  _ not _ need that mental image. The two couldn’t be  _ more _ different if they tried. 

Marinette agreed to Adrien’s request. “It’ll let you experience victory at least once, before I crush you one on one,” she smirked.

“Hoho, are those  _ fighting _ words, Miss Dupain-Cheng? You’re on!”

Marinette felt oddly at ease. Was this what it was like to be friends with Adrien Agreste? Sure, their banter bordered on flirty, but she didn’t feel any pressure with it. She found she liked it. 

Marinette queued up the game on her computer and while it loaded she couldn’t help but glance over at Adrien. His smile looked at ease, and it seemed like he felt comfortable in her presence, almost… excited? She was glad. 

The game flickered to life, recapturing her attention. She focused on the enemy team, using combos and quick reflexes to take them down quickly alongside Adrien. When the match was won, Marinette and Adrien turned and flashed each other matching grins before continuing onto the next fight. 

It went on like that for a while, interspersed with small grunts of frustration and cheers of victory when they won, before Sabine finally popped her head in with a platter of croissants, bringing their playing to a halt. 

“Good afternoon, Marinette, Adrien! I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I would’ve come up sooner but we’ve had an unexpectedly busy afternoon,” Sabine chirped cheerily while Marinette paused their match.

“No worries, Mrs. Cheng! For food like this, I’ll wait however long it takes,” Adrien assured, before biting into one of the buttery croissants. The subsequent moan of enjoyment had Marinette blushing. 

“You’re too sweet,” Sabine giggled. “Marinette, why haven’t you brought this boy home sooner?!”

Marinette groaned. She hated how nosy her parents could be sometimes. “Maman! Stop embarrassing me! I didn’t want to bother Adrien, that’s all,” her voice dropped to a whisper at the end, as she felt unsure. 

Sabine laughed at that before leaving them to their snacks. Once the trap door was securely shut, Adrien turned to Marinette with a frown on his face. 

_ Oh no, _ Marinette wilted.  _ How have I managed to screw it up  _ this  _ time? _

“You didn’t think you’d really be bothering me, would you? Is that why I haven’t been back since we practiced for the UMS tournament?” Adrien asked, his voice bordering on sad and guilty. “You’re not still mad at me for the gum incident, are you?”

_ “What?!” _ Marinette shrieked, causing Adrien to flinch. Marinette steadied herself, hoping not to cause Adrien any more distress. “Of course not! How could you think that? I’m not mad at you at all!  _ In fact, _ I love having you here. It’s really fun for me when we hang out, you know?” Marinette assured.

A weight lifted off of Marinette’s shoulders as a reluctant smile broke out on Adrien’s face.

“Really?” Adrien asked, almost shly. 

_ “Really,” _ Marinette emphasized. “I just know how precious your free time is. I figured you’d want to spend any time your father let you off with Kagami, or Nino, or someone-” She began babbling and Adrien’s expression turned serious for a moment. 

“You’re important to me too, Marinette,” his voice was gentle as he placed his hand atop her shoulder. Marinette wished he wouldn’t do that. She was working hard to see him as just a friend, and for the most part it was paying off, but the way he was looking at her in that moment had her heart racing. 

“G-good to know,” Marinette stuttered out, smiling. “We should do this more often, then, if you want.”

Adrien nodded. “Definitely! I’d like that.”

Hoping to calm her pounding heart and place Adrien firmly in the friend-zone once again, she inquired about his croissant. 

“It’s amazing!” Adrien answered excitedly. “I don’t get a lot of pastries at home, so it’s a nice treat.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Marinette laughed as he scarfed down the last few bites. “Now, do you think you’ve warmed up enough yet to face off against me?”

“Do your worst!”

Surprisingly, Adrien did manage to put up a good fight. Marinette had to admit that he had her worried for a few moments, but she managed to pull it back in her favor in the end. The ladybug mech, her favorite, stood over the chat mech in victory. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Adrien muttered, and Marinette burst out laughing. 

“Better luck next time?” She suggested coyly. 

“Hmph. Best two out of three?”

They started the next round, quickly focusing on the battle. Her fingers moved quickly and dexterously, completing one complicated move after another as Adrien struggled to keep up. Her tongue sticking out of her mouth in concentration, Marinette attempted a kick-punch combo and-

Fumbled. 

Marinette frowned as Adrien’s mech landed a hit on her, allowing her attention to stray towards her hands on top of the controller for a moment. Were her fingers shaking, or was that her imagination?

She didn’t have time to dwell on it as Adrien’s next volley of attacks came raining down on her. Marinette moved to dodge or parry, but her fingers wouldn’t cooperate. They hovered over the controls, but no matter how much she wished it or how hard she tried, she couldn’t get them to move. 

The harder she tried to focus, the more intense the trembling became. They slipped all over the controller with no sense of purpose. As a particularly strong tremor hit her right hand, Marinette gasped in shock and the controller slipped right through her grasp.

Marinette tried clasping her right hand with her left in an attempt to stop the shaking, but it was to no avail. Instead, the tremors in her left hand seemed to worsen those in her right, spreading the shaking up into her wrists and beyond. It was starting to hurt, and she could feel herself beginning to panic-

“Ha! I win!” Adrien cheered, but not even his exuberance could attract her attention. 

_ What’s happening to me?! _

“Marinette?” Adrien turned towards her, his voice soft but concerned. “Are you… alright?”

“I- I-...” Marinette stuttered, but couldn’t form a coherent thought. “My… my h-hands.”

Adrien gasped as he caught sight of the way her hands trembled. Gently, he pried them apart and grasped them inside of his own hands. It helped somewhat. 

“It’s alright,” Adrien whispered. “Just breathe, you’re going to be okay.”

“Now, inhale…”

She breathed in, suddenly aware of how loud her heart was beating. 

“Hold… and exhale…”

Marinette complied, and they repeated the steps a few times until she could no longer feel the terrible tremors. Slowly, she sank deep into her chair and closed her eyes, unsure of what the hell had just happened. 

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?” Adrien asked quietly. Marinette was grateful for his soothing presence. She’d always known he was kind, but such personal attention served as a wonderful reminder. 

“I don’t know, Adrien,” Marinette finally answered. “I’ve never experienced anything like that before.”

“Could it have been a panic attack, do you think?”

Marinette pondered it, but the explanation didn’t really make sense. “Possibly? I mean, I have had those before, but they’re usually caused by something, right? We were just playing video games. That’s not exactly a reason to start panicking.”

“Hmm,” Adrien frowned. “You can’t think of anything else that could have caused it? Nothing weighing on you lately?”

“Not really? Just the usual stuff. I only started panicking when my hands wouldn’t stop… shaking.  _ Oh,” _ Marinette realized, letting her breath out in a whoosh of air. “But I can’t think of any reason why my hands start shaking. Maybe they were just… overtaxed?”

Adrien nodded understandingly. “That’s a possibility. Keep an eye on it, just in case. If it happens again, try to remember what calms you down. For now though, we should probably take a break from video games, don’t you think?” Adrien laughed a little, and some of the tension in the room alleviated. 

“Definitely,” Marinette agreed, relieved. She wasn’t exactly eager to experience whatever that had been any time again soon. “Say, do you like Tangled? I’ve been dying to see it.”

“You’ve never seen  _ Tangled?!” _ Adrien gasped in horror. “Come on, Mari, you’ve gotta see it!” He declared, pulling her to her feet and leading them down the trapdoor to where the movie awaited.

Marinette had to admit that her favorite part had not been the movie (although she  _ thoroughly _ enjoyed it) but the way she and Adrien cuddled on the couch after sharing a pizza while he tried to pretend he wasn’t singing along to all of the songs under his breath. 

-

  
  


Monday morning saw Marinette rising early. She hadn’t slept well the night before and something had woken her up close to four in the morning. Marinette didn’t know what had caused it, but it had left her shaken and she couldn’t find it in her to go back to sleep. 

She was the first one in the classroom that morning, much to Alya’s surprise. Her best friend slid close, immediately pressing for details about her evening with Adrien. 

“Give me the deets, girl! You were radio silent all weekend! Did you finally tell him?!” Alya whispered excitedly. 

Marinette rolled her eyes fondly. “I’m trying to move on, remember? Besides, he’s with Kagami now.” Alya frowned, but motioned for her to continue. “Alright, if you must know… It went really well, surprisingly. It’s really great being his friend.”

“See, I told you! You just gotta get past the idolization to see how human the guy is. He’s super funny and down to earth once you get to know him!” Alya nudged her teasingly, reminding her of her ‘sage wisdom’. “So, what did you guys do?”

“We played video games for awhile,” Marinette continued, leaving out the episode she had, “and then we ordered a pizza and watched Tangled together. It was a great time!”

The rest of the class started to file in after that. She and Alya began chatting about other things, but that didn’t stop her from registering some of the surprised looks she got from her classmates. She bit back a few giggles. 

There was only about a minute left before the bell when Marinette looked down at the seat in front of her and found its usual occupant missing. 

“Hey, Nino?” Marinette tapped him on the shoulder. Nino slid the headphones off of his ear and turned around to face her, smiling in greeting. 

“What’s up, Nette?”

“Where’s Adrien this morning? Did he tell you he was running late?” Marinette asked. Tardiness didn’t really strike her as a trait Adrien would have, but since she was usually running late herself, she had no idea when he liked to arrive. 

Nino’s eyes lit up in understanding. “Dude had an early morning photoshoot. He should be here around lunch if I’m remembering right?” He offered with a shrug.

“Oh,” Marinette nodded. “I still think it’s crazy that his dad makes him miss school for modelling. There’s plenty of hours in the day!”

Nino sighed. “You and me both, dudette,” he agreed, before both of them had to turn back to the front as Ms. Bustier started her lesson. 

The morning continued slowly and Marinette found concentrating on the lesson to be difficult. It was probably a side effect of her less than stellar sleep, but there was nothing she could do about it. So as not to catch her teacher’s attention, Marinette subtly slid Alya a note asking to borrow her notes after class. 

Alya nodded quickly, flashing Marinette an amused smile and eye roll before turning back to the board. With the notes situation taken care of, Marinette redoubled her efforts into just listening to and absorbing the lesson. 

Finally, the bell rang that dismissed them for lunch. Marinette, Nino, and Alya made their way towards the cafeteria together as she eagerly watched the halls, hoping to catch sight of Adrien’s entrance. 

They didn’t see Adrien until they were settled at their usual lunch table. Adrien approached them excitedly, a small pink box in his hands. 

“Hey guys!” Adrien greeted them with a cheery wave. 

“Dude! Glad to have you back,” Nino gestured for him to take a seat while the girls greeted him similarly. 

“What’s with the chocolates? Those for Kagami?” Alya asked, peering over to look at the box which Marinette could now clearly see contained chocolates. Adrien blushed before shaking his head. 

“Ah, n-no. These are for Marinette. As a thank you for the invite on Friday, and after the…” Adrien glanced at Marinette for approval, and she quickly tried to convey that their other friends  _ did not know _ about the panic attack through her wide eyes. Adrien quickly backtracked. 

“After the... nice time we had, I wanted to do something for you in return! I got them from one of my mother’s old chocolatiers, I figured you would like them?” He offered the box to her. Marinette blushed and hesitantly reached forward. 

When Adrien frowned and pulled the chocolates towards himself, Marinette’s heart quickly plummeted. She pulled her hand back quickly, crestfallen. What had just happened?

“Do that again, Marinette,” Adrien ordered, his voice laced with worry. Alya and Nino looked between the pair of them in confusion, as well as looking a little miffed at Adrien’s brazenness. 

“Wh-what, this?” Marinette stuttered, reaching her hand out. Alya and Nino gasped. When Adrien said nothing, choosing to just stare at her outstretched hand, Marinette attempted to pull back once more. 

Before she could, Adrien gently grasped her wrist, pulling it closer for inspection. “Your hands,” he stated, voice sounding numb. “They’re shaking again.”

_ “Wh-what?!” _ Marinette shrieked, jerking her hand away to see for herself. Adrien, Nino, and Alya all leaned forward, both curious and worried. Marinette attempted to stretch her fingers out and clench them, but the motions were stuttered at best. 

Adrien was right. Her hands were shaking again. 

“B-but, why? How?  _ What?” _ Marinette gasped out, feeling her face turn red. 

“What’s going on, girl? This doesn’t seem like you,” Alya spoke softly, placing her hand atop Marinette’s. “Is this the first time it’s happened? Adrien made it sound like it might not be.”

Marinette shook her head. “It got bad a bit while we were playing video games, but it hasn’t happened since. I thought it was a one off.”

“I don’t think that’s okay. Something could be off with your nerves, dudette,” Nino frowned. 

“I think you should talk to your parents, Marinette. Nino’s right, this could be something bad,” Adrien cautioned. 

Marinette grimaced. “I’ll think about it,” she promised. The last thing she needed was her parents watching over her with extra suspicion. She was already having a hard time keeping her new duties as the guardian under wraps. Kwamis, she had learned, really liked to snoop and cause unnecessary mischief when let out. 

Her friends didn’t seem pleased by the answer, but they let the subject drop. Adrien slid the box of chocolates Marinette’s way at last, and she opened the box with a grin. 

“These look great, Adrien. Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome. I hope you’ll like them,” Adrien smiled warmly. Without any further prompt, Marinette picked up one of the chocolates, this one salted caramel, and bit into it. 

“Mmm!” Marinette hummed. “My favorite!” She exclaimed, before finishing the rest in one bite. “Here, you all should get to try some too. They’re really good!”

Gingerly, Marinette’s friends each took a chocolate of their choosing from the box. Once they’d all had a taste, they all decided they couldn’t resist and practically inhaled the rest. Marinette giggled as she finished off the last chocolate, watching as the others’ faces fell with disappointment. 

“Sorry we seem to have eaten all your chocolates, Marinette. I’ll get you more tomorrow?” Adrien smiled guiltily.

“No need to do that! I liked it better this way anyway. Papa always says food is best shared with people you love,” Marinette assured. 

While Alya tackled her with an exuberant hug and Nino offered a fist bump, Marinette failed to notice the faint blush rising on Adrien’s cheeks. 

-

“Hey, chaton,” Ladybug greeted as she landed next to Chat Noir, ready for their evening patrol. He turned to face her with a smile. 

“Hey, bugaboo! Chocolate?” Chat Noir offered, showing her a familiar pink box. Ladybug’s eyes widened at the sight of it. 

“I had chocolate from here earlier this week. Must be a popular place?” She questioned, but took a salted caramel anyway. 

“I grew up going to this place, it’s always been popular! I thought we both could use a pick me up, after your fall last week, so I got these to share,” Chat explained as she chewed. “Speaking of, how are you feeling? Better rested, I hope?”

Ladybug felt a blush creep up on her cheeks. “That’s really sweet of you, Chat,” she told him. “Thank you. And I’m doing better, so don’t worry!” She finished, purposely leaving out the panic attack and hand tremors. The last thing she wanted was to add to his worry. Chat had already done so much for her with the guardianship. 

“Glad to hear it,” Chat Noir flashed her a toothy grin. “Shall we?” He offered her a hand up off the ground after setting the box of chocolates down, presumably to return to afterwards. 

Ladybug giggled as she took the proffered arm. “We shall! Race you to Notre Dame?”

Chat didn’t even spare a moment to tell her that he agreed before he was extending his baton and leaping away. Ladybug rolled her eyes fondly before throwing her yoyo after him. As she travelled, she let the familiar  _ throw, pull, swing _ movements which had become second nature lull her. The breeze sliced across her face, leaving her cheeks rosy and bitterly cold, but she didn’t care. 

After all the pent up worry over the weekend, it felt amazing to just be free, flying over the Parisian night skyline. She watched as Chat raced ahead of her, catching flashes of the wicked green of his eyes through the dark. 

Ladybug was so grateful for her partner. He was the only one who truly understood what the responsibility felt like, but also how amazing the freedoms it granted were. He was her equal in every way, despite what so many liked to say across blogs and forums. Ladybug knew what all of those people didn’t.

So caught up in her ponderings as she was, Ladybug let Chat win the race, but she didn’t particularly care. She was just happy to be out there, away from the world down below. 

“You were lagging a bit behind there, Little Bug. Something on your mind?” Chat Noir probed once she landed safely next to him. 

“Just thinking about what a wonderful partner you are, that’s all,” Ladybug responded lightly, but the words had their intended effect. 

“O-oh?” Chat stuttered, heat rushing to his cheeks. Ladybug laughed. 

“You know it, kitty! Now, you go east, I’ll go west, and meet where we started in thirty?” 

“Sounds like a plan, Bugaboo. I’ll see you then!” Chat Noir gave her his signature two finger salute before bouncing off. Ladybug watched him for a moment before turning in the direction of her route. 

The west side of Paris seemed quiet for the moment, but Ladybug made sure to keep her eyes out for anything strange. She flew from rooftop to rooftop peacefully as the lights of the city started to twinkle to life. 

As the city slowly came to life however, so did a headache. Ladybug sighed. Was this going to be the new normal? She decided to take a seat on one of the rooftops and ride it out, not willing to risk powering through it. She settled down softly and closed her eyes, letting the breeze flow through her hair as she looked back on the last few months. 

Ladybug’s break down before fighting Miracle Queen had left her haunted. She wouldn’t dare let on to Chat again about the burdens or the doubts she had. He had already stepped up last time, but she wondered if he had been secretly disappointed in her. She was supposed to be Ladybug, the infallible heroine of Paris, not a sobbing mess. 

Ladybug couldn’t fail again. Not Paris, let alone her sweet chaton. 

Besides her ever growing duties as Ladybug, she was still worried about Lila and her class. It hadn’t been quite as bad lately, but she still lived on edge about when Lila would make her next move. It was hard, constantly being stressed and looking over her shoulder. 

She couldn’t lie and say all of it wasn’t taking a toll on her. 

Because it most certainly was. 

Ladybug had lost sleep over it too, unfortunately. Worries always kept her up at night. 

The exhaustion left her vulnerable to so much more. She didn’t doubt it was the cause of her shakiness and headaches, which caused her to worry more, which then caused her to lose more sleep. It was a vicious cycle, and she didn’t even know where to begin when it came to interrupting it. 

At least it hadn’t affected her patrols for the most part. As long as they veered away from topics that could potentially expose some of her worries and shortcoming, Ladybug could allow herself to enjoy Chat’s company. The worries seemed to just float away. She always slept best after patrols, too.

Ladybug hoped that the fall she’d had last week and the headache she was experiencing now were just one offs. If they started infringing on the only peaceful time she had left, Ladybug worried she might finally go insane. 

The sound of a horn honking down below broke her from her reverie. Ladybug suddenly realized that she had barely patrolled at all, and a quick glance at her yoyo told her that her thirty minutes were almost up. 

Frantically, Ladybug sprung to her feet. She wasn’t supposed to be slacking off! Even worse than that, if she was late it would mean that she would be missing out on a relaxing time with her partner that she’d been looking forward to all weekend. 

If she hurried, she might be able to complete the route in ten minutes. Even if she was a few minutes late meeting Chat, at least she could be honest when telling him that everything on the route had been fine. 

Ladybug threw her yoyo across the sky in quick succession. She scanned the ground beneath her constantly, but all seemed blissfully well, for which she was grateful. Ladybug didn’t know what she’d do if someone had gotten hurt or akumatized while she should have been watching over them. 

She managed to complete the patrol route in a total of seven minutes, a new record for her. It left her three minutes to meet Chat Noir at Notre Dame, but Ladybug figured if she ran fast enough she could do it and only be one or two minutes late. 

Ladybug landed breathlessly in front of Chat, immediately collapsing on her hands and knees as she tried to gulp in air. Chat released a startled yowl before he realized it was her. 

“Woah, woah, woah! What happened, are you okay?!” Chat Noir gasped, kneeling in front of her worriedly. 

Ladybug managed a few breaths, and the dizziness was starting to go away now that she was on solid ground, but it would be a few more minutes before she could coherently answer him. “Lost… track of time… didn’t want to be late…”

Chat Noir frowned, and Ladybug winced. Was he disappointed in her? Had she managed to upset him again?

“If you were going to be late, Bugaboo, all you had to do was call! You didn’t have to try and kill yourself to get here on time,” Chat chastized, rubbing his hand up and down her back comfortingly as she tried not to vomit. 

“Not… mad..?” Ladybug managed. 

Chat Noir laughed. “Of course not. Just worried, that’s all. Let’s sit here for a few minutes, help you get your bearings? It’s been too long since we cuddled anyway,” he winked, patting the spot beside him with one hand while holding his other arm out to make room for her. 

“O-okay,” Ladybug accepted, slightly bewildered. Well, if he wasn’t mad or disappointed, maybe she could partake in the moment a little bit. It would help reassure him that she was  _ fine, absolutely fine, he should  _ not _ worry about her, _ and it gave her a chance to relish in the comfort of her partner. 

“Mind if I babble a bit? I’ve kind of got a lot on my mind,” Chat asked, and Ladybug nodded. She wanted to support her partner however she could. “Cool, thanks.”

“So I think I finally got designer-girl, you remember her, right?” Chat looked to her for confirmation. Ladybug nodded. She did indeed remember the designer-girl. She was apparently a young woman in Chat Noir’s class who had gotten off on the wrong foot with him in the beginning of the year. Apparently they had both apologized for the way things had happened, but Chat had a feeling that designer-girl still resented him for it. 

Ladybug had laughed when he told her about it at first. Who in their right might could resent her wonderful Chaton?

Once Chat had seen Ladybug’s confirmation, he continued. “Well, I think we’re finally real friends now! We hung out over the weekend just the two of us, and it was wonderful, LB. She’s so sweet. It means a lot to me that we can finally be friends, you know?” He smiled softly, and Ladybug was happy for him. 

“Good for you, Chat. I’m glad,” Ladybug whispered, leaning into his arm. 

“Me too, Ladybug… Me too.”

Eventually they had to leave each other, but Ladybug was feeling a little lighter after hearing that Chat Noir was finally finding happiness for himself. She also knew that she had worn herself out, so maybe she could get a good night’s sleep. 

-

“Marinette! What you did tonight was dangerous,” Tikki scolded, flying right up into her face. “Chat was right. You should’ve taken your time tonight. You know you haven’t been feeling well lately. What if something had happened?”

Marinette sighed. “I’m sorry, Tikki. I just really wanted to make sure the route got done and that I got to spend time with Chat, you know?” She frowned as Tikki’s eyes narrowed. 

“Well, I don’t like it. Promise me that next time you’ll be more careful, please?”

“Of course,” Marinette nodded immediately, and she meant it. She didn’t intend to get lost in thought on patrol again. Some things were more important than herself, and her duty as Ladybug was one of them.

Tikki nuzzled her cheek. “Thank you, Marinette. I hope you know I’m not mad at you, but I worry sometimes. Especially lately,” she finished with a whisper. 

“I know, Tikki,” Marinette responded softly, closing her eyes and leaning into the contact. 

Afterwards, Marinette changed into her pajamas and climbed into bed, eager for sleep. She was bone tired after traversing half of the city in what was likely just fifteen minutes. She let her head fall on the pillow and she was out like a light. 

“Marinette! Marinette, wake up!” Tikki’s voice cried, confusing Marinette. She couldn’t see, and the world around her felt muffled. She vaguely realized she was shaking. 

“Ti… Tik…” Marinette slurred, horribly uncomfortable. “Wha…” 

“Marinette, you’re shaking! What’s going on?! Marin-”

The words faded into the silence of her mind, and the next thing she knew the sunlight was streaming in through the skylight above her. Marinette groaned as she rolled onto her side, moving to rub the sleep out of her eyes. When she looked up, she saw that Tikki was hovering over her head worriedly. 

“Tikki? What’s wrong?”

Tikki landed on her head quietly, and Marinette grew concerned. She’d never seen her kwami like that before. 

“You wouldn’t wake up, Marinette. You were shaking, and then you wouldn’t wake up. It scared me,” the sweet kwami mumbled into her hair. Marinette reached up to stroke the kwami’s head soothingly, but she couldn’t keep the frown off of her face. 

“I don’t remember it, Tikki. I’m sorry,” Marinette apologized. “Maybe I was just having a nightmare?”

“Maybe,” Tikki hummed, not sounding convinced. 

“Well, I’m all better now. Nothing to worry about, right?” Marinette tried, hoping it would lift the kwami’s spirits. It seemed to work a little. Tikki floated off of her head and came to float in front of her face with a tired smile. 

“I hope so,” Tikki tried, and Marinette smiled in reply. 

Marinette lifted the covers off of her and inched toward her ladder. She maneuvered herself around using her arms so she could descend backwards, but as soon as she tried to stick one of her legs out she realized it wouldn’t budge. 

“Huh?” Marinette mumbled, immediately confused. She attempted to shift the other leg and was able to do so, but as soon as she tried the first leg she found it wouldn’t respond. She tried giving it a shake with her hand. Nothing happened. She could barely feel the touch in her leg. 

Hoping it was just asleep and would go away, Marinette threw her good leg over the side of the ladder and used her hand to pull the other leg over the side of the railing as well. 

As soon as she realized what she’d done, it was too late. The leg refused to support her, sending Marinette stumbling backwards. She crashed down  _ hard _ on the wooden floor, sending a shockwave down her spine and knocking the breath right out of her lungs. 

“Marinette!” Tikki exclaimed, immediately flying over. Marinette stuttered from her place on the floor, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she tried to make the world stop spinning. 

“I’m… I’m okay,” Marinette replied. “Let me just stand up.”

Marinette hefted her torso up by her arms and attempted to maneuver herself into a crouch. One of her legs responded easily and without thought, but the other remained dead weight. She froze, the seriousness of the situation sinking in.

She attempted to grab her ankle by the hands and lift, but as soon as she let go the appendage flopped uselessly to the ground. She tried to roll herself over and army crawl to the trap door and the leg drug uncomfortably behind her. Eventually, she decided that she had to accept the facts. 

“Tikki, uh… my leg’s not working.”

“Not… working? What do you mean?” Tikki frowned, sounding confused. “I don’t have legs myself. Do human legs often stop working? Is it going to… fall off?” The kwami poked the appendage timidly before squeaking and ducking behind Marinette. 

Marinette resisted the urge to snap at her as her terror mounted. It wasn’t Tikki’s fault that neither of them had any idea of what the hell was happening. Hesitantly, the kwami flew back into Marinette’s line of sight. 

“It’s never happened before,” Marinette responded numbly, looking down at the useless leg. If it had been merely asleep, surely the moving around would’ve brought back the circulation. “Ugh. I can’t miss more school! What am I going to do?!”

“It’ll be okay, Marinette. I’m sure your parents will understand and let you stay home today!” Tikki assured kindly, her eyes reassuring but nervous. 

“No,” Marinette shook her head. “There’s an old pair of crutches in one of the storage closets downstairs. I’ll just use those today.”

Tikki flew closer and Marinette could see she wasn’t pleased with the idea. “If you can’t even stand, how are you supposed to make it all the way downstairs?”

Marinette groaned. “I don’t  _ know! _ This better not be permanent…” She grabbed one of the wooden beams supporting her loft and began to pull herself up. She felt a little better once she was standing. “Okay… I can do this…” She mumbled. 

Marinette didn’t think she could put her leg in a pair of pants even if she wanted to. She decided to remain in the sweat pants she’d slept in. Running out of time as she was, Marinette threw a hoody on over her tank top and decided it would have to do. 

In order to safely put shoes on, Marinette had to sink back to the floor and do it from a sitting position. It was worse than trying to put shoes on Manon. At least the little girl could point her toes and straighten her foot when asked. Marinette’s would do no such thing. 

It was tedious work getting up and down off the floor but Marinette managed it a second time. Going down the stairs was also a scary task. Marinette clung to the rail for dear life.

Once she made it to the ground floor, Tikki opened up the door to the storage closet for her. After a quick glance inside, Marinette’s spirits lifted. The crutches were there, albeit a bit dusty from lack of use. She grabbed them quickly and positioned them under her arms. 

With the crutches properly situated, Marinette began to feel a little relief. It was already much easier supporting herself, and she knew she was going to be able to make it through the day. With that finished, she hobbled out of the back door and in the direction of the school. 

Alya was already waiting for her, perched eagerly on the steps. Adrien and Nino milled around nearby. Marinette knew the moment that Alya spotted her, because she could hear the horrified gasp she let out from all the way across the street. She laughed at her friend’s dramatics. 

Alya immediately leapt from her perch to meet her, Nino and Adrien hot on her trail. Marinette moved to meet them, albeit slowly.

“Girl, what happened to you?” Alya began interrogating her immediately, placing concerned hands upon her shoulders. 

Marinette sighed. “I woke up and my leg refused to work. I ended up falling from my loft because of it,” she explained, glaring down at the useless appendage. Even with the help of the crutches, it dragged uselessly against the asphalt as she moved. 

“That’s terrible!” Adrien exclaimed, taking the chance to eye her up and down anxiously. “Are you alright?”

Marinette blushed underneath his careful gaze and forced herself to ignore it. “I’ll be fine, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before, you know? I’m just hoping my leg comes back to life soon,” she forced a laugh, suddenly uncomfortable with the looks her friends were giving her. She’d never particularly liked being the center of attention. “Why don’t we get to class?” Marinette suggested, hoping to shift their attention onto something else. 

That seemed to startle her friends, moving them into action. Alya immediately decided she was going to walk at Marinette’s pace for the rest of the day, tardy bells be damned. Adrien offered to carry her things while she was on crutches, which Marinette was not stupid enough to turn down. 

They had the crutches for a reason. Marinette knew just how difficult it was to carry a schoolbag while trying to work the darn things. 

“Thanks again for doing this, Adrien. You’re a good friend,” Marinette smiled at the boy. He grinned, but his expression faltered for just a moment. Then the bright smile returned. She wasn’t sure what it meant. 

“Of course! What are friends for?” He replied easily, and Marinette allowed the words to sink in for a moment. They didn’t hurt quite the way they used to. 

The multiple sets of staircases inside their school proved just as troublesome as Marinette feared they’d be, but with Alya refusing to leave her side it was at least accomplished safely, albeit slowly. She then helped Marinette to her seat while Adrien set her bag down on the floor next to her.

“Let me know if you need anything else, okay Marinette?” Adrien smiled softly up at her. “I hope you feel better.”

“Thanks,” Marinette smiled in return, ignoring the way Alya nudged her in the ribs at his attention. She sighed softly, knowing she was going to have to tell Alya in no uncertain terms that she was moving on. 

Class started soon after that and Marinette almost found herself forgetting that she was having problems with her legs at all. If it weren’t for the all too uncomfortable feeling of being watched (by Lila, she guessed) she would have forgotten something was amiss entirely. 

Lunch came and went quickly. Marinette’s friends helped her get to the cafeteria easily enough. Adrien had fetched her lunch tray for her, which gave Marinette a strange sense of irony. It wasn’t so long ago that Lila had been faking an injury to get people to attend to her the way Adrien, Alya, and Nino were waiting on Marinette. 

Every few minutes during the lunch hour Marinette had glanced over her shoulder to where she knew Lila was watching. Without fail, the Italian girl would lift her eyes to glare at Marinette every time. She had a feeling Lila wasn’t too happy about the fact that everyone wasn’t fawning over her instead. 

Marinette and her friends decided to leave the cafeteria early so she would have enough time to get to class comfortably. They were all already seated at their desks by the time the rest of the class began to trickle back in. 

As Lila walked up the stairs to her seat with a water bottle in hand, she dramatically tripped over herself and collapsed on the stairs. The water bottle landed right by Marinette’s seat, spilling its contents all over the stair.

“Oh no!” Lila cried, cradling her wrist to her chest. “I- I think I broke my wrist!”

The rest of the class sprung to their feet immediately, ready to cater to the girl. 

“What can we do, Lila?” Kim asked, kneeling down to give her a hand up. The others hovered nearby. 

“Could you maybe take me to the nurse? I don’t want to be a bother, but…” Lila trailed off whimpering, glancing down at her wrist with tears welling in her eyes. 

“Don’t worry about that, Lila! You’re never a bother. We’ll make sure you get taken care of, okay?” Rose cooed, holding a hand over her heart. 

“Thanks, Rose,” Lila smiled. “That’s so sweet of you.”

As they moved to take Lila away, Marinette noticed her snatch up the water bottle with her “good” wrist. She wondered what the purpose of that stunt had been. Was it just jealousy? Had Lila wanted to one-up Marinette?

Adrien and Marinette glanced at each other and shrugged. Neither knew exactly what had just happened. 

Ms. Bustier managed to get the class started after that, although Lila interrupted it again about ten minutes later, proclaiming with a smile that it was ‘just sprained! And that she was  _ so _ grateful for everyone worrying about her.’ Marinette rolled her eyes but let it go. 

“Okay class! Don’t forget to finish your assigned reading on the Tennis Court Oath of 1789 before tomorrow. It  _ will _ be on the quiz,” Ms. Bustier warned after the final bell of the day rang. “Now go enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”

Marinette stood up precariously, grabbing the wooden crutches resting against the chair. She situated them underneath her arms once more, a now familiar action, and took a step. Then, in preparation for moving the useless weight of her leg she stuck the crutches out in front of her, shifted her weight and-

The world went out from underneath her. Marinette was vaguely aware of the crutches going flying as her body crashed, and when her head slammed into the corner of the stair behind her the world went dangerously black. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled Everything Gets Worse. 
> 
> huuuge thank you to [Missnoodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missnoodles/pseuds/Missnoodles) for beta reading. this story would have been... interesting, to say the least, without her.
> 
> Update: Now featuring fanart commissioned from the lovely [NalaFontaine](https://twitter.com/nala_fontaine)!

When Marinette came back into consciousness, it was not what she would have expected it to be. She was forced to perceive reality through half lidded eyes, and all she could make out was the light coming from a fixture on the ceiling. Something felt dangerously wrong, but it was like her brain had simply stuttered and stopped when it tried to put the puzzle pieces together. 

“Marinette,” Adrien whispered, his voice surprisingly wobbly. She dimly registered the feel of his hand fit inside her own. “Can you hear me?”

Marinette tried to look to where she’d heard Adrien’s voice coming from, but she couldn’t. Immediately, she began to panic.

“I… I…. I c-can’t… can’t… mmmuh….mmmmove,” Marinette spoke, her words halted by terrible shakes and stutters. “W-why…?”

“Shhh,” Adrien whispered, sniffling. Even though she couldn’t see them, Marinette could hear the tears in his voice. “You’re gonna be okay. The ambulance is on its way, I promise,” he tried to reassure her by giving her hand a tight squeeze.

It was only when Adrien’s hand stilled her own that Marinette realized how badly her body was trembling. A foot spasmed and then the jerkiness travelled up her leg. Before she knew it Marinette’s entire frame was shaking. 

Marinette wanted to scream but her mouth refused to work. All she could do was cry. 

“I can’t watch this,” Alya mumbled from a few feet away. 

“Adrien, as much as I know we both want to help her, the man with the dispatch says we shouldn’t touch her. We could make it worse. Can you step away?” Miss Bustier’s voice spoke over everything, sounding dangerously calm. Marinette struggled to make sense of the words. Then, she resumed talking to someone, presumably on the phone. 

Adrien pulled his hand away like he’d been burned, leaving Marinette to fight off the shakes and spasms on her own. Her fear increased tenfold. 

“I’m sorry,” Adrien whispered brokenly, his voice muffled against the backdrop of her raging mind. 

“Wha… what… happened?” Marinette forced out, squeezing her eyes shut tightly as she could practically feel them rolling about her head. 

“You… fell,” Adrien explained. “We think you hit your head, and… you just started seizing. Everyone’s really worried, but we’re going to make sure you’re safe, alright?”

Marinette nodded, fighting to maintain her grasp on reality. It was a losing battle. 

The next thing Marinette was aware of was being carried away on a stretcher, the sight of the open sky above her. Adrien’s warm presence was long gone. In the distance, she heard twin shouts of horror. 

“Wait! That’s my- Marinette!” Tom screamed from somewhere. 

Her mind went blank again after that, and the next time she could make sense of anything, Marinette was already in the ambulance. Her body was secured so it couldn’t move, and she could feel someone else holding her hand. It was her maman. 

“It’s going to be okay, Marinette. I’m here,” her maman whispered, and Marinette desperately wished she could turn her head and look at her. She just wanted to be able to see _someone_ to feel less alone. 

It was as if Marinette was being held prisoner by her own mind. 

“Maman?” Marinette called quietly. “...I want to go home.”

Sabine was wracked with a sob. “I know, _ma petite fille._ I’m so sorry.”

It felt like Marinette was moving through haze after that, but at least the shaking had stopped and she was able to maintain a semblance of coherent thought. Her maman never let go of her hand throughout the entire ambulance ride, not even when they were moving her stretcher off of the ambulance and into the hospital. 

The paramedics brought her to a bed in the pit and wished Marinette well before they whisked off to save another life. Marinette could barely remember their faces. 

“Maman, where’s Papa?” She asked, suddenly realizing she hadn’t seen him the entire time. Marinette vaguely recalled having heard his voice at some point amidst the chaos. 

“He’s coming,” Sabine reassured, stroking her hair softly. “They only let one of us ride with you. Your papa will be coming in the van.”

At that moment, a doctor approaching them, effectively stopping Marinette from asking anymore questions. She focused on the woman as best she could. The doctor glanced down at the sheet of information the paramedics had filled out and left behind. 

“Hello, Miss... Dupain Cheng! My name is Doctor Bisset. It looks like you might’ve had a seizure, is that correct?” The doctor asked, looking to Sabine for confirmation. Her maman nodded. 

“Okay,” Dr. Bisset said calmly. “Now, is this the first time something like this has happened?”

Sabine looked to Marinette, but she could only stare back wide eyed. “I… I don’t know?” 

Dr. Bisset nodded again. “That’s okay too. Can you describe what happened for me, or as much as you can remember? I know these things can be difficult, so just try your best.”

“I was, um… on crutches, and I slipped and fell. When I woke up, everyone was saying I was having a seizure. That’s all I know,” Marinette shrugged, avoiding looking up at the doctor. She wished she could remember more. 

“Marinette, why were you using crutches?” Sabine gasped, looking over her in renewed worry. 

“You weren’t aware that Marinette was on crutches?” Dr. Bisset asked her maman, eyes wide. Then the doctor turned to Marinette once more. “Can you tell us why you were using them?”

“I…” Marinette began, grasping for the right words. “I woke up this morning, and my leg… felt numb. I couldn’t get it to move.”

The doctor’s reaction was not a happy one. Her frown only deepened. “That’s a common side effect of seizures, so it’s possible you may have been experiencing them without realizing it. Now, if it’s alright with your maman here, I’d like to get you admitted and order an MRI to run some diagnostic tests,” Dr. Bisset informed them, looking to her maman for confirmation. Marinette’s eyes widened at the thought of removing her earrings, but she supposed even if there was an akuma she probably couldn’t get to it. The thought scared her. 

Sabine nodded, still looking frazzled by the information. “O-of course!”

“Perfect!” Dr. Bisset smiled. “I’ll send someone along to help you fill out the proper paperwork and to move Miss Marinette here to a private room of her own. I hope you feel better, dear!” She bid them farewell before disappearing to help the next patient. 

By the time her papa arrived, Marinette was already settled in her new room. Her head was starting to clear some, and she was able to greet him properly with a hug. 

“I got here as fast as I could. I’m sorry,” Tom apologized to her. Marinette shook her head and reassured him it was fine. Then, they were forced to wait anxiously for the doctor to return. When it became clear it was going to be awhile, Marinette asked to have her purse back. 

“I’m not sure I want you looking at your phone, honey. I’ve heard it’s not good after a seizure,” Sabine cautioned. However, that wasn’t Marinette’s intention. 

“I just want to make sure nothing fell out, that’s all. If I give you my phone, can you send a group text to my friends telling them I’m alright?” Marinette asked. Her mother nodded and handed the purse over to her. 

Upon opening it, she immediately sighed in relief. Tikki was still inside, staring up at her anxiously. Pretending to grab her phone, Marinette slipped her hand inside and allowed Tikki to nuzzle her palm, but she couldn’t risk letting the kwami out anytime soon.

Once she moved her hand away, Marinette grabbed the phone, unlocked it, and passed it over to her maman. 

“Do you want me to say anything in particular, sweetie?” Sabine asked, glancing between her and the keyboard. 

Marinette shook her head no, then reconsidered. “Can you thank Adrien specifically? He really helped me,” she explained. Sabine nodded and began typing. Her phone began to ping almost immediately after everything was sent, but Marinette asked Sabine to leave them. She was too tired to care. 

It was a few hours later, after a grueling wait, a series of questioning, an MRI (for which she nervously removed her earrings), and a tedious EEG test that they finally got some answers. 

Her new neurologist, Doctor Thomas, stood at the foot of Marinette’s bed and addressed her family. 

“We won’t have your EEG results for a few more hours, but from your MRI and the description of your symptoms, I believe you may be suffering from non-rolandic epileptic seizures,” Dr. Thomas spoke softly. Marinette’s eyes widened, and both her parents grabbed onto her hands tightly. 

“What do we do?” Tom asked, leveling the doctor with a serious look. 

“It’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise. Epilepsy is a frightening word, I know, but the kind your daughter suffers from is benign. They’re more inconvenient than they are harmful. I’d like to start her on 500 milligrams of trileptal, taking doses in the morning and the evening. This will hopefully stop the seizures from occurring. We can talk about lowering the dosage later, once we’ve got the seizures under control,” Dr. Thomas explained. 

Beside Marinette, her maman wilted in relief, burying her face in her hands. “Oh, thank God,” she whispered. 

“Do we know what’s causing the seizures?” Her papa asked, eager for an explanation. 

Doctor Thomas shook his head. “At this moment, no. From the descriptions Marinette gave, I believe that she has likely been having these night time seizures since she was just a little girl.”

At the sight of her maman and papa’s crestfallen and guilty expressions, Doctor Thomas was quick to reassure them. 

“This is _no one’s fault._ I can’t emphasize this enough. Many parents miss the signs because it’s simply not something they’re looking for. Extreme clumsiness, exhaustion, trouble with words, all of these things can be easily written off as something else,” Dr. Thomas spoke sincerely, and the news surprised Marinette. 

Was it possible that her clumsiness and word vomit weren’t her fault? That it couldn’t be helped? Strangely, she felt relieved. 

“Now, most children outgrow non-rolandic seizures at the onset of puberty. However, they will live the rest of their life with a low seizure threshold. This means that if they were to hit their head, or be dealing with tremendous amounts of stress, or even just missing a night of sleep, they are at risk of seizures recurring. Marinette, can you think of anything like this that could be affecting you?” Dr. Thomas asked. 

Marinette blanched. It wasn’t like she could just come out and say, _“Oh, I’m Ladybug! I save the world on a regular basis and sneak out after hours to meet my furry of a partner in a leather catsuit!”_

Yeah, _right._

“I guess… school has been stressful?” Marinette answered noncommittally. The doctor nodded. 

“It usually is,” he smiled comfortingly. “For now though, it might be a good idea to step away from those commitments. It’s also a good idea to create a sleep schedule for yourself. For the first week or two, I want you going to bed around eight o’clock.”

Marinette’s eyes widened, horrified. As much as she wished she could, it simply couldn’t happen. She could never know when an akuma would strike, and besides, she had nightly patrols with Chat Noir-!

Oh.

_Oh no._

What was she going to tell Chat Noir? If her partner knew the truth, he’d be worried and overprotective. Chat would probably insist that Marinette take a step back from her duties and let him do more. Chat would take even more hits for her, which she already despised. Their friendship might finally crumble under the weight of Ladybug obligating Chat to take the lead because of her illness. It was one thing to offer your assistance and shoulder some of the burden, but to take all of it? No, Marinette couldn’t do that to him. 

Besides, being Ladybug _always_ came first. It came before school, friends, and sometimes even family. Now it had to come before her health. Marinette had a duty to Paris. She wouldn’t let them down. 

Marinette doubted losing a little sleep would hurt much anyway. She’d been doing it for years without anything terrible occuring. What was the worst that could happen?

-

Marinette was discharged from the hospital the next morning after they’d monitored her sleep. The results hadn’t shown anything abnormal but they had scheduled her with a neurologist for regular check-ups and sleep studies until they could be sure the seizures wouldn’t re-occur. 

When she finally checked her phone, Marinette was at first horrified and then pleasantly surprised at the number of notifications she’d had. Texts from Alya, Nino, and Adrien had first priority, especially since Sabine had texted them for her, but there were also numerous inquiries and well wishes she had from classmates and students she knew from around the school. She shot off some quick replies before putting her phone down to take a nap. 

A few hours later, Marinette’s parents called her down for dinner. They had another conversation about cutting back on stress and what she wanted to do moving forward. Marinette hated that their effort was for nothing, since she couldn’t exactly stop being Ladybug. She had resigned herself to the fact that nothing could be done about it. Soon enough it was time to send her upstairs for her new eight o’clock bedtime. 

As if Marinette planned on sleeping. She transformed and leapt from her balcony with one last fleeting glance towards her bed. 

Ladybug hadn’t shown up to patrol last night because she’d been in the hospital. She knew she’d probably worried Chat to death, so she needed a reasonable explanation for her absence. Ladybug already felt horribly guilty. She wished she didn’t have to lie to him about anything, but she couldn’t risk the consequences of him knowing the truth. 

By the time she arrived on their usual rooftop, Chat Noir was already there pacing anxiously. The moment her feet touched down, he leapt at her and tackled her with a hug. Ladybug froze for a second, surprised, before she slowly returned it. 

“Bug, I was so worried,” Chat spoke quietly, trying to keep his tone level, but Ladybug could hear the thinly veiled worry. “What happened?” 

Ladybug swallowed uncomfortably before answering. “Someone very… close to me was in the hospital last night. I couldn’t get away.”

It wasn’t technically a lie. Ladybug was _very_ close to Marinette. They were the same person. 

“Oh,” Chat frowned, giving her shoulders a squeeze. “I hope they’re alright.”

Ladybug tried not to cry. Even if he didn’t know it, he was still caring for her. 

“Yeah,” Ladybug choked out, smiling bitterly. “They will be.”

“Well, shall we be off then? We can try to keep it short, since I’m sure you’re tired,” Chat offered with a small smile. 

Ladybug nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. She would take some of the night off, but it would have to be the last time. 

They patrolled together for a few minutes, forcing Ladybug to conceal the way her hands trembled from her partner, before they were able to go their separate ways to patrol the rest of the city. 

Fifteen minutes later, the heroes reunited to report on each of their patrols. Everything was in the clear. After one last farewell hug, Ladybug bid a hasty retreat, missing the way her partner stared worriedly after her. 

-

Getting up for school the next morning was interesting, to say the least. Marinette had slept peacefully for once, and it seemed the medicine had helped after all. Some fogginess lingered in her thoughts, but she supposed she could deal with it. 

Her maman and papa hovered anxiously all morning. They insisted she eat at the table with them, not caring that she was going to be late. By the time they were staring her down as she took her morning dose of the trileptal, Marinette had had enough. 

“Alright-y, then!” Marinette spoke, her voice falsely cheery. “I’d better be off! I’ll see you two later!”

Marinette grabbed her bag and ran out the door before they could say anything to stop her. 

Her friends greeted her at the school gates, crushing her in a group hug. When Alya and Nino reluctantly let go of her, Adrien continued to hold her close. He remained eerily silent. 

“Hey,” Marinette nudged him not unkindly. “I’m alright, I promise.”

Adrien still didn’t let go. 

“I was so worried,” he finally whispered, burying his face in her hair. “It was all so… sudden, and terrifying.”

Marinette hugged him even tighter, feeling guilty for worrying him so. She was also immensely grateful for the help he’d given her despite his fear. 

“Thank you for helping me, Adrien.”

At those words, Adrien finally pulled himself away. 

“Anything for you, Marinette,” Adrien told her softly, smiling sweetly. Marinette’s heart skipped a beat against her will. 

“W-well!” Marinette cleared her throat, eager to break the tension. “I’m happy to report that I’m feeling much better now. I’ve only been on the meds for a night and they’re already helping,” she informed them brightly. Alya gave her a happy whoop while Nino offered her a fist bump in celebration. Adrien continued to watch her fondly, although there was still obvious concern in his eyes. 

After that, they had to get to class before they were made late. As Marinette carefully walked inside, Adrien hovered closely behind her, one of his palms outstretched so as to catch her if she were to fall. It was sweet, and Marinette certainly appreciated it, but the insistently independent part of her didn’t feel good about relying on others. 

As she slid into her seat, Marinette glanced over her shoulder to see Lila staring at her from the top row. Marinette had of course realized that Lila probably spilled her drink by her feet on purpose, the cause of her fall. Although, Marinette was partially to blame for not doing anything to clean up the mess either. If she had done something instead of just ignoring it, her situation would’ve been entirely different.

As soon as their eyes met, Lila obstinately turned her head away. Marinette rolled her eyes but said nothing. It was probably best to just leave it alone. She didn’t have the energy to care, and her mind felt too foggy to think of anything that could be done anyway. 

It was a few hours into class when an akuma finally struck. Marinette immediately raised her hand, claiming she needed to step out to get her meds from her locker. Miss Bustier, still horrified from Marinette’s episode, let her go easily enough. Perhaps there was something good that came from all of this after all!

Just as she was about to make her escape, Miss Bustier asked for someone to escort her to and from safely. Marinette bit back a groan, wondering how she was going to be able to transform with someone keeping an eye on her. 

Adrien’s hand immediately shot up into the air somewhat surprisingly. He was immediately approved by their teacher, and together they walked towards the locker room. 

“How are you feeling, Marinette?” Adrien asked her, brushing his hand against hers casually. Marinette ducked her eyes and tried to fight back the furious blush she knew was surely spreading. 

“I’m, ah, fine,” she replied simply. They came to a stop in front of her locker and looked at each other awkwardly. 

“Do you mind if I run to the bathroom? I’ll… I’ll come back, I promise,” Adrien asked guiltily, scratching the back of his neck with his hand. Marinette latched onto the excuse greedily. 

“No, go right ahead! I don’t mind at all!” Marinette reassured, silently cheering. Adrien smiled in relief and quickly walked away. 

“You ready, Tikki?” Marinette asked once they were in the clear. Her kwami flew from her purse and nodded. 

“Promise me you’ll be careful out there, Marinette,” Tikki frowned. 

“I promise. Now, Tikki, spots on!”

-

“My name is Ultra Chef, and I’m going to make all of Paris eat my food, whether they like it or not!” The akuma, a purple skinned woman with hair made of noodles, wearing a chef’s outfit, cried from atop her perch. Ladybug and Chat landed in front of her at the same time, both poised to attack.

“Another food themed akuma?” Ladybug groaned. Chat laughed. 

“Ladybug and Chat Noir! Give me your miraculous!” Ultra Chef ordered once she caught sight of the heroes. 

“Come and _spaghet_ them!” Chat Noir retorted with a proud smile, giving Ladybug a wink.

Ultra Chef snarled, sending a wave of chicken noodle soup towards them. Ladybug and Chat Noir took to the skies to avoid it. When the wave retreated they returned to the earth, dodging long ropes made of noodle as Ladybug tried to spot the akumatized object. Her eyes widened with recognition. 

“Look, Kitty! The wooden spoon in her hand that she’s using to direct the food. It’s the only thing that’s out of place,” Ladybug exclaimed, pointing to the object in question. 

“On it, My Lady!” Chat cried in response, immediately vaulting into the fray. Ladybug watched closely as she charged towards Ultra Chef, hoping to distract her while Chat grabbed the object. 

It didn’t work. Ultra Chef saw right through the bait and sent a wave of food at Chat as soon as he got too close. Ladybug, thankful that she had been keeping an eye out, wrapped her yoyo around his waist and tugged him back before he could get hit. They ducked for cover around the corner of a building while Ultra Chef sent meatballs the size of human heads after them. 

Crouching, Ladybug turned to look at Chat, a plan forming in her head. “Alright, we know we can’t get up close to grab the spoon. I think it’s time I called my lucky charm!”

Throwing her yoyo into the sky, Marinette recited the familiar words and watched as a small red and black object fell towards her. _A slingshot._

“Well, this seems pretty self explanatory,” Chat stared down at the weapon with wide eyes. Then, he smirked up at her suggestively. “Not a lot of pasta-bilities, eh?”

Ladybug groaned at the pun but didn’t have the energy to say anything about it. Subconsciously she wondered if the simplicity of the lucky charm had anything to do with how her mind had been refusing to tackle the more complex thoughts lately.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Ladybug decided, signalling it was time to get serious. “You distract the akuma. Hopefully this time she won’t be expecting a long range attack, so I can easily knock the spoon out of her hand. You be ready with your cataclysm, okay?”

With the plan decided, both heroes moved into place. Ladybug waited for Chat to thoroughly distract Ultra Chef so she could use her slingshot. 

“Hey, are you sure you’re a real chef?” Chat Noir antagonized her, “because you look like an _impasta_ to me!”

“I _am_ a real chef!” Ultra Chef screamed, directing her spoon to send a wave of noodle ropes at Chat Noir. Ladybug seized the opportunity. Chat had done well by making her angry. 

Ladybug aimed the slingshot and moved to pull the sling back, only to have her hand freeze. 

_No, no, no!_ Ladybug thought, horrified. _Not right now, please!_

Try as she might, Ladybug couldn’t get her hand to do what she wanted it to do. Her fingers trembled and failed to get a grip on the string. In her panic, she was vaguely aware of Chat calling for his cataclysm. 

Ladybug took a moment to clench her fist as hard as she could, hoping it would be enough. The trembling stopped some, but it still wasn’t good. She didn’t have time to wait, though, as the ropes of noodles that had been climbing up Chat’s legs were quickly getting close to his throat. 

Ladybug pulled back the sling and fired, only to miss horribly. The shot bounced harmlessly against the ground, attracting both Ultra Chef’s and Chat’s attention. Chat Noir looked especially panicked as he watched the ball roll away. He looked back up at her with an apologetic face before using his cataclysm on the ropes, freeing himself. 

Thankfully Chat was then able to use the moment to his advantage, coming up from behind on Ultra Chef and grabbing the spoon while the akuma was charging towards Ladybug. It was only when she spotted the dark butterfly flying away that Ladybug realized she’d been frozen in fear at all. 

Still trembling, Ladybug threw out her yoyo blindly, hoping it was enough to capture the akuma. Her ladybug luck must have intervened for she had successfully captured and purified the insect. Her subsequent cry of “Miraculous Ladybug!” as she threw the slingshot into the sky was a pitiful one. 

Chat Noir landed beside her with a soft thump as Ladybug watched the cure spread over the city numbly. 

“Hey, bug,” Chat greeted, his voice uncharacteristically quiet as he skipped over their customary fist bump. “Why don’t you let Tikki recharge and then come on back. I think we need to talk.”

-

After reluctantly hiding to let Tikki eat and refuel, Ladybug returned to Chat anxiously waiting for her. He enveloped her in a hug, much like he had the night before. 

“I want to start by saying I’m not mad at you. We both make mistakes, of which I’m well aware, but… I can tell something’s wrong, Ladybug,” Chat told her solemnly, his failure to use a fond nickname telling her just how serious he was. 

“What are you talking about?” Ladybug frowned, immediately on the defensive. She should’ve known that her partner would pick up on something. Now, all she could hope to do was convince him otherwise. 

“Please don’t try and act like nothing’s wrong, because I’ve seen it. You haven’t been yourself. What is it? The Guardianship? Bugaboo, you know you can come to me about these things,” Chat pleaded softly, taking her hands into his own. 

Ladybug flinched, drawing back and Chat’s face fell. She immediately felt guilty, but knew it was for the best. He couldn’t know. If he knew, she would be letting him down and trapping him in a situation he neither wanted nor deserved. 

_It’s for the best,_ Ladybug repeated once more to herself. It became a mantra in her head as she tried not to break down and spill the truth to her partner. 

“You can’t honestly tell me that you’ve been alright lately. This all started after that fall of yours, didn’t it? You’ve been clumsier and anxious. Just now, you missed a shot you could’ve easily made. You _never_ miss. Is it because of this mysterious person in the hospital? Or… _oh,”_ Chat gasped in realization, his eyes widening. 

_“You_ were in the hospital, weren’t you?”

Alarm bells started ringing in her mind and her heart sped up. “Of _course_ not,” Ladybug spat hastily. “I’m telling you, I’m _fine,_ minou. This is getting a little too close to my identity for comfort, so can we just drop it?”

Chat shook his head unbelievingly. “We’re partners, My Lady, you can’t exactly hide this from me. I can tell you’re stressed. Please, let’s talk about it! I can _help_ you-!”

_“No_ , Chat! If anything, _this_ is stressing me,” Ladybug snapped, cutting him off. Chat froze. 

“I’m… _I_ stress you out?” He asked, voice heartbreakingly quiet. Ladybug wanted to scream. 

“Of course not, Chat,” Ladybug sighed tiredly, pinching the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache coming on. “I just… really don’t need you worrying about me. You’ve already taken on too much responsibility-”

Chat growled, the hurt on his face giving way to a burning anger. 

“So you don’t trust me, is that it?” Chat grit out between his teeth. “I should’ve known,” he scoffed. 

Ladybug gaped for a moment, at a loss for words, before she realized she needed to correct the quickly worsening situation. 

_“No,_ Chat, of course I trust you! I-”

“How am I supposed to believe you?” Chat cut her off, eyes watering. “You never tell me _anything._ You don’t trust me to be there for you or to be a responsible partner. Now, you won’t even tell me something that could put you and our team at risk? You’re just like Fu!” He accused, voice breaking with emotion. 

“Minou, please…” Ladybug whispered, eyes welling with tears. “I’m not… I can’t…”

“Do you want a new partner? Because it sounds to me like I’m just your little sidekick that you like to play with when it amuses you,” Chat asked suddenly, his voice deadly serious. The thought horrified her even more than the terrifying reality of her epilepsy. “Well, do you?”

“Chat Noir, how could you even ask that?” She gasped. _Did_ he want to stop being her partner?

“Then tell me how I can do better, _please,”_ Chat forced out. Ladybug could see he struggled to even ask the question, blinking away bitter tears. 

“You- you’re not doing anything wrong, Chat,” Ladybug tried to tell him, but the explanation seemed to just make him more upset. 

“Then _why_ can’t you tell me? If you’re hurting, I need to know!” He paused, staring into her wide eyes for an explanation. There was none she could give him.

“I just… I _can’t,”_ Ladybug tried to stress. “You just need to trust that I’ll be fine. I can handle myself. What this is… it’s tied closely to my identity. I don’t want you putting yourself in harm’s way because of it, either.”

Chat looked anything but assured at her words. He opened his mouth to speak but cut himself off with a grimace. Just as Ladybug was about to ask him if he was alright, he began to talk. 

“I think… I need time, Ladybug. I’m afraid if we keep going like this I’ll say something I regret, and… It _kills me_ that you don’t trust me. I don’t think you understand just how much,” he explained sadly, avoiding her eyes. Ladybug’s mouth went horrifyingly dry. 

“What are you saying, Chat? You’re not thinking about… giving up the _ring,_ are you?”

“No,” Chat Noir shook his head quickly. “But… I do need space. I think it’s best we don’t see each other for a while. I need time to process all of this.”

Ladybug stared in shock. This was quickly going in a direction she _did not like_. “But… akuma…?” She stuttered. 

Chat looked offended at the question. “I won’t leave you to fight them by yourself, but all the extra time we spend together? I can’t do it right now. All I’m asking for is some time to myself, please.”

Ladybug nodded numbly, feeling entirely lost. 

“I hope you can sort out whatever it is you’re going through, Ladybug,” Chat smiled sadly before saluting her and vaulting away. 

Ladybug’s legs refused to support her weight and she crashed to the roof. She didn’t bother to try and get up, letting the sobs she’d bit back finally overwhelm her. 

-

The sun was setting by the time Ladybug found herself calming down. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she’d missed the rest of the school day, but she didn’t particularly care. 

Ladybug forced herself to her feet and began swinging home. She allowed herself to get lost in the moment, desperately trying to forget that she had possibly just lost her closest and most important friend. The void it left behind would not be one she could easily fill, if she could fill it at all

Of course the one time it didn’t matter would be the one time Ladybug actually managed to complete the journey without a misstep, which she sorely resented. She hopped down inside her skylight and detransformed, sliding into bed without bothering to greet Tikki. 

“I don’t understand why you just don’t tell him,” Tikki harrumphed, obviously disappointed with her.

“He doesn’t need to be even _more_ worried about me, Tikki,” Marinette tried. “If he tries to take more hits for me because of this, I don’t think I could stand it. Chat already does so much for me, I can’t just ask him to take on more!”

Maybe… maybe it was good that he was mad at her? That way, he wouldn’t feel like he was obligated to take on the extra responsibilities for her sake. A part of her was scared to even tell him the truth at that point, fearing his reaction. 

It was for the best, Marinette reminded herself, that she hadn’t told him. _For the best._

Marinette frowned when Tikki ducked out of sight rather than reply, wondering where the kwami was going. Before she could ask, a frantic tapping against her skylight captured her attention. 

What was Chat Noir doing at her home? Had he seen her go home and realized her identity?

Marinette’s eyes widened at the thought as she lifted her head up and unlocked the skylight, allowing him entry. 

“Marinette!” Chat gasped in relief as he dove inside. Immediately, he pulled her into a hug. Marinette froze, unsure of what was meant to be happening. Was this some sort of seizure induced hallucination? Did that even _exist?_

“Oh, I am so glad you’re alright,” Chat continued, not even acknowledging that she wasn’t hugging him back. “We were all so worried!”

“Uh, who’s we?” Marinette frowned, awkwardly patting him on the back. Being cradled close to him as Marinette was a painful reminder of what had just happened between them as Ladybug, but she tried not to let it bother her. It proved rather difficult. 

Chat pulled back a moment later, but he moved his gloved hands up to rest on her cheeks. He scanned her over carefully as if looking for injury before he seemed satisfied enough to answer. 

“Your parents and most of your friends were looking for you. That Adrien boy asked for my help in the search. Marinette, no one’s seen you for _hours._ Where were you?” Chat explained, frowning worriedly. 

For a moment, Marinette didn’t understand. Then, the realization hit her like a sledgehammer. 

She must have spent hours crying up on that rooftop as Ladybug, releasing all her pent up stress, frustration, and sadness about their recent fight. The entire time, however, no one had known anything about _Marinette’s_ whereabouts. 

Her parents were always frustrated when Marinette disappeared for hours on end, but they always got over it. Now, however? Everyone was probably worried out of their _minds._

“Marinette?” Chat prompted, and Marinette snapped to attention. She scrambled for a believable excuse. 

“I… um… you see, I wasn’t feeling well, so I went outside for some fresh air! And then I fell asleep sitting on a park bench. Haha, silly me!” She laughed nervously, avoiding looking at Chat directly. Even from out of the corner of her eyes she could see that he wasn’t pleased with the answer. 

“Marinette…” Chat whined. “You can’t just do that! It’s not safe, especially not with your condition. When I… er, when _Adrien_ came back and found out you were missing, he felt terrible he wasn’t there for you. I just can’t understand why you didn’t tell anyone!”

Although Chat probably hadn’t intended it, Marinette felt another heavy weight settle onto her shoulders at his words. 

_Adrien._

Marinette had forgotten about the boy, she had to admit. In comparison to the absolute melt-down of her partnership, leaving Adrien behind to fight the akuma had felt small in comparison. To know he had spent time worrying about her when she was only suffering from a mess of her own making? It was the final nail in the coffin of her day. 

“I-I’m sorry!” Marinette choked, hoping it conveyed her apology for both worrying her friends and hurting Chat. However, unless that particular apology came from Ladybug, it would never be enough. 

The truth was, Marinette _was_ sorry. It had never been her intention to hurt Chat, but to protect him. She knew he had struggles of his own, and the last thing he needed was to waste time worrying about _her_ and give _her_ support on top of everything else.

“Hey, it’s okay… don’t cry, Marinette, please. I’m just happy you’re safe,” Chat cooed softly as he gingerly wiped a stray tear from her cheek. 

Marinette didn’t reply, too embarrassed at having been caught crying by her partner. She sniffled and tried to dry her eyes quietly. 

“I should probably go…” Chat grimaced awkwardly. “Let everyone know they can call off the search, you know? I, uh, hope you feel better!” He offered, forcing a smile. Marinette nodded, giving him a small wave as he ran off to find the others. 

As soon as she was sure Chat was gone, Marinette grabbed the pillow off her bed and chucked it at the wall. It landed uselessly with a soft thump. Marinette bit down on her tongue to keep from screaming. 

“Marinette?” Tikki flew in front of her, but she just stared ahead unseeingly, not even bothering to look at the kwami. “Are you alright?”

“I’m so tired, Tikki,” Marinette heaved, but there were no tears left to cry. She felt drained. “I feel like everything is spiraling and-” she choked, gasping in air, “-and there’s _nothing I can do.”_

“It’s going to be okay, Marinette, I promise,” Tikki comforted, flying close to nuzzle her cheek. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep before your parents get home, okay?”

Marinette nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She laid her head back and let sleep take her, too tired to put up a fight. 

-

Marinette’s parents were naturally furious and terrified when they roused her for dinner, but after seeing just how upset she was, they let her off easy. Marinette was glad for it. It was just one less thing to worry about. They let her return to bed not long after. 

The next morning, Marinette felt at least more well rested, even if she still wasn’t feeling well about everything with Chat. Tikki woke her gently in time for school, giving Marinette a chance to get downstairs with time to spare. 

“Marinette, your friend’s here to walk you to school!” Sabine called from the front of the bakery. Marinette frowned, wondering who could have been waiting for her, but entered nonetheless. 

“H-hey, Marinette,” Adrien waved awkwardly. Marinette’s mouth formed an o-shape, surprised to see him there. 

“G-good morning, Adrien!” Marinette replied, walking over to greet him. 

Adrien shuffled his feet a bit at her approach, and his eyes looked over her anxiously. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Marinette frowned. “I’m sorry about yesterday, by the way. I feel really bad about making you worry-”

“Don’t apologize, please,” Adrien interrupted her, surprising her. “It was my fault for leaving you on your own. I’m _really sorry,_ Marinette. Can you forgive me?”

Although she still felt a little guilty, she couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of her. Adrien gaped at her, obviously confused. 

“Hey, if I’m not allowed to apologize, neither are you!” Marinette offered as an explanation. Adrien stared at her for a moment before snorting. 

“Uh… okay then? I guess you’re right!”

“I suppose I am!” Marinette teased. Despite the ridiculousness of the conversation, or perhaps because of it, they burst into another fit of laughter. Marinette found it a little difficult to stop once she got started. 

“So… ah, my maman said you wanted to walk me to school?” Marinette prompted once she managed to catch her breath. 

“O-oh!” Adrien gasped, looking caught off guard. “Heh, yeah. That is… if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not! That actually sounds... really nice.”

“It- It does?”

Marinette nodded shyly. Adrien smiled and offered her his arm, giving her a sly wink. She took it gladly, although she still found herself blushing despite her best wishes. 

However, something stopped her cold in her tracks. 

Adrien was acting so much like her dear partner Chat, especially with that last winking gesture. Was she just taking advantage of him, trying to cling on desperately to some semblance of what she’d lost? Was that fair to herself or to Adrien? Most of all, was it fair to Chat? Should she really be enjoying herself so soon after hurting Chat anyways?

He’d been gone less than a day and Marinette already missed him desperately. 

Guilt gnawed at her, threatening to eat her from the inside out. Adrien must have noticed her shift in mood because he slowed their pace and looked at her questioningly. 

Marinette sighed, sensing the question before he asked it. “You remind me of someone. A close friend of mine,” she explained. 

“Oh,” Adrien tensed, “and is that… a bad thing?”

Marinette grimaced. “Not in the way you think. I hurt him. Really badly. I don’t know if I can fix it.”

“That doesn’t sound like you. What happened?”

“I didn’t want to tell him about my epilepsy diagnosis. He’d noticed something was wrong but I wouldn’t tell him what,” Marinette shrugged, her mind recalling the hurt look in his eyes. She forced the image away. 

“You didn’t want to tell him? Are you embarrassed by it?” Adrien asked, frowning. Marinette silently wished he would drop the issue but she couldn’t avoid the question without looking suspicious. 

“This friend, you see, he does a lot for me. It’s been a rough few months and he helped me through a lot of it. The thing is, he worries a lot too. He takes on _too_ much for me, when he’s got things of his own he should be worrying about. I couldn’t add one more thing to his plate, not when it feels like he literally kills himself to help me and keep me safe,” Marinette explained. 

The last sentence was more true than Adrien could ever realize. If it weren’t for her miraculous cure, Chat would be dead a hundred times over. If he died again because he was trying to save her and prevent some hypothetical seizure and she couldn’t bring him back, how could Marinette live with herself?

Chat just couldn’t know. _It was for the best._

“I’m sorry that’s happening, Marinette,” Adrien offered, but he seemed suddenly much more tense. “I’m going through something similar myself, but I think I’m experiencing it from the other perspective.”

“Oh?” Marinette prompted. 

“My friend hasn’t been feeling well lately. I’m really worried about her, but she won’t tell me anything. I’m not sure what’s going on, but when I asked she admitted she couldn’t trust me to take on the responsibility, or whatever the heck that means. I don’t really know. I’m still trying to process, I guess. I still care about her obviously, but it hurts.”

Marinette grabbed his hand with hers and gave it a tight squeeze. He smiled down at her appreciatively and squeezed her hand in return. A part of her wondered, however, if that was how Chat was feeling. Despite her best wishes, was he hurting anyway? Worrying, even though that was what she had hoped to prevent in the first place? It hurt to think about.

“We make quite a pair, don’t we?” Adrien joked lamely. Marinette huffed a laugh.

“Neither one of us seems to be doing very well, do we?”

Adrien nodded. “Well, uh, since neither of us are doing great, why don’t we get some ice cream after school? As, you know, a pick-me-up?” He offered shyly. 

Marinette tried to smile, but she was too tired and beaten-down to get excited that Adrien had just asked her to hang out. “That sounds nice,” she hummed. 

The rest of the walk to school they chatted quietly, the mood still very subdued after their heavy words, but it was nice to let her mind settle even if just for a few minutes. Adrien was proving to be very good company as of late. He seemed to calm her thoughts. 

The school day passed quickly, or perhaps Marinette was just too busy worrying about Chat and their partnership to be aware of how slowly time really passed. She knew she needed to apologize, it was just a question of how. He had told her they wouldn’t be meeting up for patrol, but she knew that he would be transformed. Maybe… Marinette could call him?

She’d have to think about it later, because class was over and Adrien was quickly approaching her.

“You ready?” Adrien smiled just a little too brightly, offering her his hand again.

“Yeah, thanks,” Marinette flashed him a brief smile. She grabbed her bag and took his hand, allowing them to lead the way. 

“I know everybody likes Andre’s, but I figured after yesterday you might be too tired to try and run around the city tracking him down. I know of an old ice cream parlor I used to visit as a kid. We could go there instead?” Adrien suggested, looking down at her for confirmation. “Or… if you _want_ Andre’s…”

Marinette smiled at his kindness. “An ice cream parlor is fine. I think I’ve had enough of Andre’s for awhile, if I’m being honest,” she shrugged. Adrien looked intrigued. 

“Mind if I ask why?”

_Because seeing you and Kagami together killed me,_ she didn’t say. 

“I’m not in a particularly good place relationship-wise at the moment. The last time I tried to go like this, Andre wouldn’t take no for an answer and I ended up getting him akumatized. It’s not something I’d like to do again,” Marinette explained sheepishly. She hated admitting she’d been responsible for akumatizations, but it happened more than she liked.

Ladybug was supposed to do better. She couldn’t keep putting herself in situations like that. 

“Oh, yeah,” Adrien blushed and looked away. “I remember… hearing about that.”

Marinette wondered how that would be possible. Besides her friends who had been on the scene (and they would _never_ tell Adrien), Marinette had told only Chat Noir the truth about Glaciator’s akumatization. He shouldn’t have known. 

“Well, what about you? I’m sure you like Andre’s, especially after how things ended with Kagami there, right?”

“W-what? With Kagami?” Adrien stuttered, looking down at her in surprise. 

“Well, yeah,” Marinette shrugged. “She’s the girl you’re in love with, right?”

“Oh,” Adrien breathed. “Not… not exactly,” he finished awkwardly, his eyes flicking towards her briefly before he looked away. 

Oh.

That was… surprising. 

If Adrien wasn’t in love with Kagami, then who? She could’ve sworn that it was Kagami. They had seemed so happy together. Had Marinette really not needed to move on after all? Marinette’s lingering feelings for Adrien momentarily overwhelmed her with excitement before the thought of Chat Noir quashed them again. Chat was hurting because of her, what right did she have to be happy about such a thing?

“Sorry for assuming,” Marinette apologized. “I just figured if you were sharing a cone at Andre’s…” she trailed off, unsure of how Adrien felt about the topic. 

“Is that why you left so suddenly that day? You thought we were… on a date?”

“Heh… yep…” Marinette grimaced.

Adrien hummed thoughtfully at the confession. “Well, you were kind of right. Kagami and I tried a bit, but I was still in love with someone else. She noticed,” he admitted. Another surprise. 

“Was? As in, not anymore?”

“Ah… not really,” he cringed. “That particular relationship went down in flames not too long ago,” Adrien sighed sadly before continuing. “I don’t know… I’ll always care about her, but she’s been telling me for a long time that there’s someone else. Our argument the other day was the final nail in the coffin, I think.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Adrien,” Marinette consoled. “You deserve better.” Just like her sweet minou. Marinette kept on finding ways to crush him, it seemed. 

“Maybe,” Adrien didn’t seem convinced. “Although, I do think I might like this one girl…” His eyes drifted over to her once more, and Marinette wondered who he was referring to. First there was the girl he mentioned being in love with, then the girl who didn’t trust him (although those two turned out to be one in the same), and now there was a new girl Adrien had set his sights on? Who were all these mystery women in Adrien’s life?

Marinette realized Adrien was still looking at her expectantly and her eyes widened. What did he want her to say? Did he want advice or something?

“G-good luck pursuing her. I believe in you?” Marinette stuttered, her words coming out as more of a question. He looked rather disappointed. 

Well, what had he been expecting? Marinette was not qualified to give romantic advice in the slightest. She had a horrible track record. First, she hadn’t been able to get a single coherent thought out when Adrien was nearby for months, and just when she was getting closer to Chat Noir and she had destroyed any chance she had with him. 

Wait.

_What?_

What did that even mean? Did Marinette… want to be close to Chat Noir in that way? Since when? _Why?_ They’d always been friends, and she’d always cared for him, but recently…

Patrols with Chat had started to become the highlight of her days. She remembered the way her heart warmed when he brought her chocolates, and the fuzzy feeling in her stomach when he’d caught her falling from the sky. She remembered the dread she’d felt at the possibility of being late to meet up with him, and then nearly killing herself trying to get there in time for cuddles. 

The idea that Chat Noir wasn’t ‘just a friend’ didn’t seem entirely impossible anymore. 

_Oh, no._

“Marinette?” Adrien called worriedly, snapping her out of her somewhat panicked day-dreaming. “Are you alright? You’re not about to have a seizure, are you? You look a little…”

Marinette laughed nervously. “Me? I’m grine! Er, feat! NO- I’m fine! Just great! No need to worry.” Adrien looked away, blushing. 

“That’s good… Oh, look! We’re here!” Adrien exclaimed over-excitedly, gesturing to the quaint little building situated in front of them. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

Adrien held the door open for her and Marinette ducked inside. Together, they walked up to the counter to peruse the flavors. “Hmm. What do you think you’ll get?” Marinette asked, eager for a distraction from her raging thoughts. 

“Let’s see,” Adrien trailed off, his eyes scanning the flavors. “Chocolate chip cookie dough sounds good!”

Marinette nodded. “That’s a good choice. Papa makes a really good homemade version of that. Today, however… I’m going mint chip.”

When their flavors were ordered, Marinette took out her wallet, intending to pay for herself. Flushing, Adrien told her to put it away and paid the rest of her bill. Marinette tried to protest, but then she was being handed her scoops of ice cream and had no choice but to give in. 

They took their ice cream out to the patio to enjoy it. Adrien sat down across from her before digging into the treat. 

“Adrien…” Marinette started. He looked up from the bowl attentively, waiting for her to continue. “I know I already said this, but… I wanted to thank you for being there for me when I was having the seizure. When I could hear your voice, or hold your hand, it really grounded me.”

“It did? Really?” Adrien gasped as a rosy blush spread across his cheeks. Marinette nodded shyly before ducking her head down to take a bite of her ice cream. “I wish I could be there for you more, then. It’s horrible to feel helpless.”

“It really is,” Marinette agreed. “I’m just really grateful you were there, that time.”

“How much of it do you remember, if you don’t mind me asking?” Adrien asked next, shoveling a spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into his mouth. 

“Not… not a lot, but enough,” Marinette grimaced. “I remember talking to you, and then you had to take your hand away, but then it went blank for a while. I don’t remember much from between then and going into the ambulance.”

“...Oh.”

The way he spoke implied there was something she wasn’t remembering that he did. Marinette’s eyes widened in horror. “What is it? What happened?” She demanded. 

Adrien stared back up at her with sad eyes. “You, uh… you were sobbing. Asking for help, over and over.”

Marinette stared down at her lap, overwhelmed by a feeling of hollowness. She hated that everyone had seen her so vulnerable, especially Adrien, who seemed especially bothered by it. 

“Hey,” Adrien brought his hand up to her chin and gently lifted her head. “It’s going to be okay, alright? I promise.”

Marinette nodded, sniffling, but she smiled nonetheless. “You’re really sweet, Adrien, thank you.”

They stayed away from the more serious topics after that. Marinette tried to ask him more about the girl who didn’t seem to trust him to see if there was anything she could do to help, but Adrien immediately shut the topic down, his entire countenance darkening. 

“Sorry, it’s just… I really don’t want to think about any of it right now.”

Marinette apologized, and the topic was dropped. 

Once they finished their treats, they talked for almost another hour. The way things flowed with Adrien was just easy, and for a few moments she found herself forgetting there was anything wrong at all. The thoughts inevitably crept back in of course, but the few interludes were nice. 

Adrien walked her home, their conversation carrying over easily. It wasn’t long before she found herself at her door. 

“Well, thank you for inviting me, Adrien. It was nice getting to do something fun after everything that’s happened recently,” Marinette smiled. 

“Thank _you_ for coming!” Adrien replied. “It’s been really nice talking and getting to know you, lately. I… I had a good time,” he smiled softly. Before she knew what was happening, Adrien was leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. 

“Bye, Marinette,” Adrien bid farewell, giving her one last wave as he disappeared around the corner. 

The burning blush on her cheeks told Marinette all she needed to know. 

Her feelings for Adrien weren’t quite as crushed as she’d hoped. 

-

Once she was inside her room, Marinette panicked. How was it that she’d managed to develop feelings for two different boys at the same time? Even worse, neither of them saw her in that way. Or, in Chat Noir’s case, he didn’t _anymore._

The thought weighed heavy on her heart. Adrien would never see her that way. If only Marinette had realized that sooner and just been smarter, less selfish, she could’ve been happy with her partner. Now it was too late. Not only had she lost any love he might have held for her, but their friendship was in tatters. 

Although, that wasn’t entirely true. Once she apologized, maybe Chat would forgive her and they could be friends again. Marinette had to hope that it was possible. It was… all she had left. Even if she couldn’t tell him the whole truth, she could try her best to fix things. 

With that decided, Marinette transformed and fled from her balcony. She knew Chat wouldn’t be waiting for her at their usual patrol spot, but a part of her hoped that maybe, just maybe, he _would_ be. 

Their meeting place was empty, as she knew deep down it would be. Still, it hurt to see. 

Ladybug glanced at her yo-yo and saw that Chat was transformed. Her finger hovered over the call button nervously. Was she doing the right thing? He had asked for space…

_No._ Ladybug needed to apologize and fix things. It was what she _had_ to do. 

Without further hesitation, she pressed call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clarify something about the diagnosis scene. It is *not* accurate, but it really couldn’t be in the span of a fic like this. It took 6 months to get an accurate diagnosis after my hospitalization, and it involved many sleep studies and tests. For the sake of the fic, I just couldn’t include this. Otherwise, all of the terminology is accurate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe its finally over?? like, how did that happen? i've been working on it since late june so I'm kind of sad to see it go but that's not the point hahaha
> 
> thank you so much to [Missnoodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missnoodles/pseuds/Missnoodles) for all of her lovely beta work. it was such a great experience working alongside you!
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

Ladybug stood anxiously on the rooftop as she waited for Chat to pick up her call. For a moment, everything was silent save for the sound of the ringing communicator and her beating heart. Ladybug didn’t dare to breathe as it rang once, twice, three times, and…

“Where’s the akuma?” Chat’s tired face filled her screen, skipping over all of the usual pleasantries and nicknames. 

“What?” Ladybug frowned. “No, no akuma-”

“Ladybug,” Chat Noir sighed sadly, squeezing his eyes shut tight. “Listen, I told you I would try and get over this, but I can’t do it with you breathing down my neck. I’m sorry. We… I can’t do this,” he shook his head and brought his hand into view, presumably to end the call. 

“No, wait!” Ladybug cried in horror, her heart pounding wildly. She needed to swallow her fear and just  _ say something. _

Chat Noir didn’t say anything, raising an eyebrow to look at her expectantly. He didn’t look pleased. 

“I’m… I’m trying to  _ apologize.” _

Chat’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing in surprise. “W-wait,” he stuttered. “Really?” A cautious smile began to form. 

Ladybug nodded shyly, feeling horrible that she’d caused him pain. If his reaction was anything to go by, it was a good thing she had decided to call him and apologize. 

Chat’s smile widened. “Oh, thank you, Bug! I felt horrible all day about it, you know? I tried really hard not to let it bother me, but I’m so relieved to hear you say this!”

Ladybug smiled sadly. “I should’ve said it sooner, Minou. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, Bugaboo,” Chat replied. “Now, we can finally talk about what’s been bothering you! I’m ready to help in any way I can.”

The offer was like a knife to her heart, and Ladybug instantly recoiled. 

“Chaton… I still can’t tell you. It’s for the best,” she explained solemnly. Chat’s mood turned in an instant. 

_ “What? _ Why not?” He demanded, his tone clipped. 

Ladybug almost hung up the call at the sound of it, devastated that his anger was directed at her once more. She had thought they were  _ past _ it, but it seemed she had screwed up yet again. Had she lost the chance to reconcile like she’d hoped?

“If you weren’t going to tell me, then why bother apologizing at all?”

Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut tight, wishing she could just ignore what was happening. She took a steadying breath. She didn’t know if she could handle their partnership ending on top of everything else. There had to be a way to fix it. 

“Chat, you’ve got your own problems to worry about! It’s sweet that you care, and I really do appreciate it, but…  _ you _ never complain about your life or ask  _ me _ for help. It wouldn’t be fair in any way for me to ask something like this of you!” Ladybug told him.

“Ladybug, if something was wrong, I would  _ come to you, _ but it isn’t! I’m supposed to be your partner, and partner’s support each other,” Chat tried. Ladybug sighed. 

“You don’t understand!”

“So  _ make me, _ Ladybug! How is it  _ so important _ that I can’t know?” 

“We… We’re supposed to be heroes, right?” Ladybug paused. Chat frowned, confused but nodding nonetheless. “People are relying on me, on  _ us. _ How can we be the heroes that Paris deserves if I’m inhibiting you? You’re my partner, not my shield. I won’t let you put yourself in harm’s way for my sake,” Ladybug explained. 

Chat groaned on the other end of the line. 

“I just… I can’t... You called me for  _ this? _ After I  _ asked _ you for space?”

“Wh… what?” Ladybug gasped, shocked by his abrupt tone. Usually he was such a patient person. If he was reacting this way, it meant that things would not be so easily fixed.

“I told you I would get over this, but that I needed space to do it. What you’re doing right now is like rubbing salt in the wound, okay?” Chat explained, his face set in a grim line. “Until I’m ready, or until you’re ready to trust me to support you, then I don’t want to hear about this again. I’m really sorry.”

“Chat…” Ladybug trailed off, unsure of what to say to make it better. 

“Please. For the sake of our friendship, Ladybug.”

“You, uh… you still want to be my friend?” Ladybug gasped, surprised by the accidental admission. After she’d blundered things a second time, she’d been worried that any hope she’d had was gone.

Chat looked more confused than he had all night. “What are you talking about?” He asked. 

Before Ladybug could answer, Chat spoke again. “You know what, we can sort that later. It’s not a good time. Call me if there's an akuma,” he told her, ending the call abruptly. 

Ladybug stared at the darkened screen of her yo-yo for a moment, completely lost. Her mind struggled to put the pieces of what had just happened together, but she could feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. 

Chat’s answer to Ladybug’s question had been vague at best. It didn’t leave her very hopeful, but she knew she had at least said her piece. She’d apologized for hurting him and tried her best to help him understand why sharing the truth wasn’t a good idea. 

Still… 

Ladybug hated being at odds with him. It was always a horrible experience being forced to fight him when he was being controlled by an akuma, even more so when he  _ was _ an akuma.

The memory brought her thought process to a stuttering halt. That was the other reason for keeping the truth a secret, the one she’d been trying so desperately hard to forget. Chat Blanc had been a product of her own failures. A failure to protect her identity, and a failure to do the right thing for her minou. 

Chat Blanc had said he was akumatized because of his love for her, and the feelings she now knew she returned. Ladybug didn’t know which was worse, Chat getting akumatized because of his love for her or throwing his life away trying to save her own. Both were things she needed to prevent at all cost.

After that, Ladybug continued her patrol route out of sheer obligation, her mind numb. The route finished quickly, and she barely even noticed it. 

Once she was home and detransformed, Marinette found herself face to face with a disappointed Tikki. The kwami frowned disapprovingly. 

“Marinette, when you said you were going to fix things with Chat Noir, I thought you meant you were going to tell him the  _ truth,” _ Tikki harrumphed, reminding Marinette of the brief explanation she’d given Tikki before patrol. Marinette averted her gaze. 

“It’s just not a good idea, Tikki. I apologized, and I thought… I thought it would be enough,” she shrugged. 

Tikki sighed. “Okay, I’m going to try and put this into perspective for you.”

Marinette quirked an eyebrow, curious as to what the kwami was going to say. Didn’t she have plenty of perspective already? She was the one living it, after all. 

“Do you remember when I was sick during the fight against Princess Fragrance?” Tikki asked. Marinette nodded, wondering why she was asking. 

“Good. Now, let’s say something like that happened again. Any time you transformed, my powers could fail and your transformation could fall. You would be leaving Paris defenseless without a way to purify the akuma,” Tikki continued, watching Marinette closely.

“Tikki, what are you trying to say? You’re not sick, are you?”

Tikki shook her head no. “I’m not, I just need you to imagine this scenario for me. Can you do it, please?”

Marinette nodded reluctantly and tried to imagine that what Tikki was saying was the truth. The idea of it sounded horrifying. The thought that Tikki was sick with no way for Marinette to protect Paris or help… and there was no Fu to bring her to. Marinette wouldn’t even know how to begin when it came to healing the kwami. 

“Now, imagine that I chose not to tell you what was wrong. You could see something wasn’t right with me, but not what. I was letting you go into battle with no idea that what was wrong with me could potentially deprive Paris of Ladybug, until it suddenly  _ did. _ How would you feel?”

The thought immediately did not sit well with Marinette. She experienced a flurry of emotions just at the suggestion of it, ranging from frustration to anger to overwhelming worry and dread. She never wanted to experience  _ any _ of what Tikki had just suggested. 

“You would be mad, right? Angry that I kept something so dangerous from you?” Tikki prompted. “But worried about me, too. Constantly wondering what was wrong and just how terrible it was. Dreading that whatever it was might take me away from you, permanently. Isn’t that right?”

Marinette nodded, unsure of what else to say. Tikki had explained it perfectly for her. 

“Marinette, that’s exactly how you’ve made Chat feel.”

Oh.

_ Oh. _

_ Oh no. _

“It…  _ It is?” _ Marinette screeched. Panic lodged in her throat. “I didn’t realize it was like  _ that! _ Tikki, what have I  _ done?” _

She could practically hear her own heartbeat as horrifying thoughts raced past. She’d been trying to keep him from worrying, but instead she’d made him live life on edge. Marinette had instantly hated the emotions she’d experienced following Tikki’s explanation. Chat must have been experiencing them ten-fold and without reprieve. 

Tikki had also explained in her analogy that hiding the details of her illness would deprive Paris of the Ladybug it deserves. Everything else in the explanation had counterparts to reality, so did that mean…  _ Marinette _ was depriving Paris of the Ladybug it deserved? If there was any chance she could have a seizure mid battle, wasn’t she unfairly putting Paris at risk?

Marinette felt suffocated by the mere thought of it, and immediately pushed it away. It wasn’t the right time to be asking herself those questions. First, she needed to tell Chat the truth. Then she could worry about what to do with the ladybug miraculous. 

“How do I make this right, Tikki?” Marinette asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She had made so many mistakes that she didn’t even know how to begin to try and correct. 

“I think Chat Noir would appreciate some honesty,” Tikki replied, her voice equally as soft. “Just do your best. That’s all you can do.”

Marinette closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Tikki was right. All she could do was approach him with honesty. It was up to Chat as to whether or not he chose to forgive. 

If… If he didn’t forgive her, Marinette would understand. He didn’t owe her anything, and she owed him everything. Maybe figuring out what to do with the ladybug miraculous would solve a problem not only for Paris, but for Chat too. He deserved a partner who could do right by him, and Paris deserved an unwavering hero. 

Marinette opened her eyes once more, her resolve strengthened. The first thing that she needed to do was find a way to get into contact with Chat. Her last attempt had not gone well in the slightest. Marinette couldn’t go down that route, especially after he’d told her not to call again. 

Well, whenever she next saw him, Marinette vowed to tell the truth. She wouldn’t let them part ways on uneven footing ever again. 

“Why don’t you take your medicine and get some sleep, Marinette. It’s getting late,” Tikki prompted and Marinette nodded. The kwami was right. She went through the motions of getting ready for bed without much more thought. Once her head hit the pillow, she was left with a dreamless sleep. 

-

The next morning, Adrien was waiting for her in the bakery once more. Marinette greeted him with a tired smile, grabbing some food from behind the counter for them to nibble on.

“Thanks,” Adrien smiled, accepting the croissant and taking a bite out of it. Marinette nodded, tearing off a piece of her own croissant. 

“So, feeling any better today?” Adrien asked as he swallowed the food, holding the door open for her. 

_ Did _ she feel any better? Marinette thought about her answer for a moment before speaking. 

“I think so,” Marinette finally replied. “I’m sleeping better on the meds and I think I came to a few much needed conclusions last night. What about you? You said you weren’t feeling great,” she prompted, eager to shift the conversation away from her. She wouldn’t know what to say if Adrien asked for more details. 

Adrien hummed quietly, taking a bite of the croissant and chewing slowly. He didn’t seem to want to answer either. 

“Last night… wasn’t exactly great. I don’t want to say much more than that. I don’t want my time with you overshadowed by it,” Adrien stated firmly, giving her a tight smile. “So let’s talk about something happier instead!”

Marinette silently wondered what else had gone wrong for Adrien last night, but it wasn’t her place to ask. She did, however, feel a blush warming her cheeks. Adrien didn’t want their time together to be overshadowed by negativity? That was… oddly sweet. 

“Hmm,” Marinette hummed, wondering what she could bring up. “Why don’t we plan something else to do this afternoon? Would that be fun?”

“Definitely!” Adrien replied, any traces of melancholy wiped from his face as he smiled brightly. “We went for ice cream yesterday, so what would you like to do today instead?”

“The Louvre has some new exhibits, I think. We could go walk around after school?” Marinette offered. 

Adrien nodded excitedly. “That sounds awesome! Let me just...” Adrien pulled out his phone, but one glance immediately wiped his happy expression away. “Oh. I guess I forgot I have a photo shoot scheduled today. I knew something felt too good about this,” Adrien harrumphed. 

“I’m sorry. Can we reschedule?” Adrien grimaced apologetically. 

Marinette had a better idea than just waiting for a time that worked. She cleared her throat before she spoke, hoping that he didn’t immediately reject the suggestion. 

“We could… go out for lunch together instead?” 

Adrien’s eyes snapped onto hers immediately, and Marinette guessed that if he didn’t have so much restraint he would be jumping from excitement. Her eyes widened in surprise. 

“Marinette, that would be  _ awesome! _ Where should we go?”

They settled on a small nearby cafe for their lunch as they walked into school, and Marinette found herself feeling a little lighter. With a firm resolve to tell Chat the truth and the budding hopefulness of her friendship with Adrien, maybe things were finally looking up. 

“Morning, girl!” Alya greeted as Marinette slid into the desk beside her. “Sooo, what was that about? How’d your little ice cream date go? Did you go to  _ Andre’s?” _ Alya teased, her voice practically a coo. 

Marinette rolled her eyes and fought hard against a blush. “You know perfectly well it’s nothing like that,” she insisted. “The ice cream  _ outing,” _ Marinette emphasized, “went well. We made plans to have lunch together too, that’s all.”

Alya’s jaw dropped, her eyes blown wide. 

“Mari, either the two of you have started dating and decided to keep it a secret from  _ me, _ your best friend, which, first of all, how  _ dare _ you-! Or, you’re both even more oblivious than I feared. Honey, that boy  _ likes _ you!” 

Marinette floundered, slamming her palm against Alya’s mouth to quiet her. Her eyes flickered between Alya and Adrien, desperately hoping the boy in question hadn’t just heard everything. 

“Be quiet, will you?” Marinette whispered, her hand still on Alya’s mouth. “I told you, it’s not  _ like _ that!”

Marinette and Alya stared at each other for a moment, Marinette with a glare and Alya with a smirk. She cautiously pulled her hand away, hoping her friend had gotten the memo to be  _ silent. _

Alya sighed amusedly as the teacher walked into the classroom. “You are being an idiot, girl. It’s so obvious, except to you, apparently! If this weren’t so hilarious it would be sad.”

Marinette huffed but didn’t bother trying to argue again. She knew the truth, and that was all that mattered. 

-

When it came time for lunch, Marinette and Adrien excitedly left the campus for the cafe. The sun shining was warm against her skin, and she found herself getting distracted by the way it seemed to glisten against Adrien’s golden hair. 

The brush of Adrien’s hand against her own as they walked side by side startled her out of her reverie. She looked up and met Adrien’s gaze shyly. He was smiling softly at her, and she could feel a blush creeping up on her cheeks. She quickly cleared her throat and looked away. 

“So, have you been there before?” Marinette asked. 

“Ah, no. Nino recommended it to me, actually. I’m excited to try it!” Adrien answered cheerfully.

Marinette nodded, and just as she opened her mouth to speak again, an explosion rocked the street. Screams followed momentarily. Adrien immediately moved to steady her, placing both hands on her shoulders and looking warily behind him. 

“Marinette, you need to hide,” Adrien told her, his eyes flicking anxiously around the scene. Marinette nodded dumbly, eager for any excuse to get away and ducked into an empty cafe. After making sure Tikki was alright, she called on her transformation.

When Ladybug landed on the scene, Chat shot a cursory glance in her direction and waved stiffly. Ladybug felt a twinge of guilt, knowing that she had caused the tension between them. 

“Hey, Chat,” Ladybug tried, spinning her yo-yo to deflect any flying debris. He looked at her expectantly, although she could tell it lacked the usual look of kindness and devotion. She had his attention, but only out of necessity. 

“So…” Ladybug grimaced. “Demolition akuma?”

“Yep,” Chat replied, his eyes scanning the perimeter. “I helped civilians evacuate before you got here, but there are still a few littering the area. We should be careful,” he informed her. 

Ladybug nodded. “Got it. Any sign of where the akuma could be?”

“My guess is the hammer. Anything he hits gets a huge shockwave.”

Ladybug nodded and took a steadying breath. “Chat, I’m… I’m really sorry-”

“Can we do this later?” Chat Noir inhaled sharply. “I know you’re sorry, but the akuma…”

“O-oh,” Ladybug stuttered. “Of course.”

With that, both of them leapt into the fray. 

“At last, the cat and bug have arrived! You may call me Demolisher,” The akuma, a heavy-set man in an orange vest and safety helmet, grinned. “Are you here to give me your miraculous?”

“Not a chance,” Ladybug scowled and didn’t hesitate before diving forward, yo-yo swinging. She was eager to get the akuma defeated so she could finally tell Chat Noir the truth. 

Chat Noir moved right alongside her, his baton poised to strike. Ladybug found herself feeling hopeful at the sight of it. Despite everything, they were still a team. They had to be. 

Demolisher reared back with his hammer poised to strike, before he slammed it down hard against the pavement. Ladybug’s eyes widened as a wave of energy moved beneath the asphalt, displacing the street as it traveled until it reached her feet.

Swinging away just in time, Ladybug watched in horror as the ground where she had just been standing splintered into a million pieces. If she hadn’t moved, she likely would’ve been blown to bits alongside it. 

“You okay?” Chat called out to her from where he had retreated, his voice tense. Ladybug made a quick affirmation before analysing the scene once more. Just like with Ultra Chef, a close range attack wouldn’t work. Demolisher would strike before they could get close enough to grab the hammer. 

It was time for her Lucky Charm. 

Once the object had been summoned, a magnet fell from the swarm of ladybugs and into her hands. For a moment, Ladybug stared down at the object. Well, that seemed fairly… obvious _? _

“Seriously? A magnet?” Chat laughed, extending his baton to make a swipe at Demolisher. The akuma dodged easily and sent an even larger shockwave in return, this time towards the cafe Ladybug had transformed in not long ago. 

The walls of the cafe crumbled, and amidst the roar of the explosion, Ladybug could make out the sound of a desperate cry. 

_ “Marinette! No!” _

Ladybug spun around to stare at Chat. He abandoned his fight with the Demolisher and leapt toward the rubble. Without hesitation, he began to dig through the debris with his claws all while looking around the mess frantically.

“Marinette?! Where are you?” Chat called out, and Ladybug suddenly understood what was happening. 

“Chaton,” Ladybug tried to grab his attention from across the street. He either couldn’t hear her or had elected to ignore her. “Marinette’s fine! I need your help right now!”

Chat continued digging, his movements growing more hurried and panicked. Ladybug coughed through the dust and took a step closer. 

“Chat! Come  _ on, _ we need to stop the akuma!” Ladybug tried again. Chat brought his baton and proceeded to use it to smash against the rubble and use it to try to prop up some of the larger chunks of debris. 

The street had gone too quiet, but Ladybug hadn't noticed. She needed to get Chat away from the mess. It was unlike him to become so frantic over a civilian, let alone  _ Marinette, _ and Ladybug wasn’t sure what to make of it. She needed him focused to fight such a destructive akuma. 

“Chat Noir!” Ladybug shouted, resorting to taking another step closer and away from the fight. She glanced over her shoulder anxiously, wondering why Demolisher had gone so quiet, but couldn’t see him. If he’d moved to cause more chaos, she needed to work quickly. “Stop what you’re doing! My miraculous cure will set everything right after this, but in order for me to cast it, I need your help!  _ Marinette _ needs your help!”

Chat’s head snapped over in her direction. When she caught sight of his face Ladybug saw how red and splotchy his cheeks were. Had he been… crying? Marinette meant that much to him?

What did that _ mean? _

“Ladybug!” Chat screamed, his voice thick and eyes wide.  _ “Move!” _

Before Ladybug could hope to react, the ground beneath her feet rumbled dangerously and a cacophonous symphony of explosions roared against her ears. Then, there was nothing. 

-

Marinette woke to chaos. 

She couldn’t make sense of what was wrong, but knew instinctively that something bad was happening. A hazy cloud had descended over her mind. It was like everything and nothing was happening at once. 

A balance of serenity and chaos. 

Marinette’s limbs twitched and jerked against her will. She had neither the control nor the ability to stop it. A seizure had taken her body captive and refused to let go. 

“Lady- M-Marinette? Can you hear me?”

That was Chat’s voice, she knew, but it sounded muffled against the violent ringing in her ears. Marinette tried to turn her head to look at him and found herself paralyzed once again. She could feel something warm and wet trickle uncomfortably from her temples. Out of the corner of her eye she could see red. 

“A- A- A- Aku- mmm- mma?” Marinette stuttered. The word felt heavy and thick against the fog of her mind, requiring strength to force it out. 

Chat Noir growled dangerously. The noise barely phased her. 

“He’s been… taken care of,” Chat told her evasively. Marinette didn’t have the focus to wonder what that meant. 

After a beat, the trembling of her limbs intensified. Marinette panicked, inhaling sharply. As her mind moved faster than she could comprehend, a strangled scream lodged in her throat. 

“I’m here! I’m here, I promise. You’re going to be okay, Marinette,” Chat reassured. “You… you said holding your hand helped. I don’t want to make it worse, though.”

“P- Ple... se,” Marinette grit out, feeling loneliness clawing at her. She needed him close. 

Chat didn’t hesitate, extending his hand and encasing her own with it. She could feel some of her panic ebb away, and she attempted to take in slow and controlled breaths. 

A beat of silence passed between them, save for the sound of her breathing and clattering teeth. Marinette rode out each wave as they came, holding onto Chat Noir like her lifeline. Violent spasms caused her to cry out in panic, but her partner was there to reassure her after every one. 

Marinette wasn’t aware of when the seizure ended, but eventually her shaking limbs had stilled. She inhaled slowly and then exhaled, repeating the process until she felt calm enough to open her eyes. A stray tear or two slipped down her cheeks. 

With the danger passed, Chat moved to cradle her in his lap, burying his face in her hair. He held her silently while Marinette blinked away the fog. 

She felt shaking and momentarily panicked, thinking the seizure had started up again. However, the shaking was not coming from Marinette. 

It was coming from Chat Noir. 

Marinette stiffly turned her head to look at him and found her partner sobbing silently against her. After a beat of hesitation, feeling unsure of herself, Marinette slipped her arms around him as best as she could. 

The grip was weak, her limbs still numb from the assault, but the simple gesture was enough to break Chat’s final barrier. He began to sob loudly and violently, pressing damp kisses to the top of her head. 

“...Chat?” Marinette tried warily. 

Chat released a muffled whine of protest. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly against the world. Marinette wasn’t sure what she was meant to do to help him, so she remained still. Chat’s grip on her tightened as his salty tears dripped down, landing on her face. 

It was a long time before his tears subsided. Marinette could eventually feel his breathing even out against her. With a sigh, he pressed his forehead to hers. Marinette gently lifted up her hand and wiped the final tears away. 

“Chaton… what happened?”

Chat ever so slowly pried himself away from her and Marinette immediately found herself missing his warmth. No matter how hard she tried, Chat wouldn’t meet her gaze. He stared resolutely at the ground beneath her feet.

“Demolisher, he… He directed one of his attacks at you,” Chat began thickly. “You went flying, a-and hit your head. I, um, couldn’t get you to wake up and your time was running out…”

Marinette blanched and looked down at herself, suddenly aware that she wasn’t transformed. For a moment, she could feel her heart stop. 

_ Chat Noir knew who she was.  _

Before she could even begin to comprehend what that meant for her, for them, Chat plowed ahead with the story. Marinette sat gaping as she listened. 

“I tried not to look… I went back to fight the Demolisher and I won,” Chat told her. 

Marinette’s eyes widened. “You did? But how?!”

If Chat took offense at the question, he didn’t show it. If anything, he just looked tired. 

“I was angry,” Chat admitted. “And scared. I almost don’t remember it. One moment I was trying to check on you and the next the guy was on the floor and I was cataclysming the akuma.”

“You… cataclysmed the butterfly?” Marinette asked quietly. 

“I had to defeat him!” Chat defended himself. “I didn’t know how badly you were hurt or what else he could do. I didn’t have a choice!”

Marinette sighed tiredly. “I’m not mad, Chat. Just surprised, that’s all. I didn’t know it was something you could do.”

Chat deflated a little at the admission. He nodded silently, accepting it. 

“All the damage… I still have to fix it,” Marinette realized. She shakily climbed to her feet and meant to call on Tikki but her legs refused to support her weight. 

Chat caught her before she could fall. He cradled her against him gently and quietly admonished her. 

“Hey, take it slow, Marinette. I can’t see you hurt anymore! Why don’t I take you home and you can cast your lucky charm there?”

Marinette frowned, confused. “Why are you helping me? Shouldn’t you be mad at me?”

The soft smile he’d offered her slipped off of his face immediately. 

“Let’s not deal with that right now, okay? What matters is you’re hurt,” Chat explained, his voice tired. Marinette nodded silently, unsure of how to feel at his redirection. She  _ really _ needed to find a way to apologize, and soon. 

Chat resettled her in his arms, holding her bridal style, before bending at the knees and leaping from the earth. They landed on one of the surviving rooftops and Marinette chanced a look over Chat Noir’s shoulder. 

The area was still clear of civilians, probably too nervous to approach without the familiar sight of her ladybugs. Marinette was glad for it, because no one should have seen the destruction left behind. 

Entire buildings had been demolished or scattered. If it weren’t for the dust and the rubble, Marinette could have thought there hadn’t been a thriving shopping and dining district there just a few hours ago. 

People had been trapped in those buildings. They likely still had been when they’d gone down. What an awful way to die…

Marinette’s throat closed up at the thought. If she couldn’t fix everything, those lives would be lost permanently. It would be her fault. 

Tikki and Chat had been right. Marinette should’ve told Chat Noir about her epilepsy. If he had known the risks, maybe he wouldn’t have let himself get so distracted. Maybe they would’ve watched each other’s backs and been in tune with one another. Maybe those people wouldn’t be dead. 

She had just been trying to save her partner from himself. To stop him from throwing his life away for her or losing himself to one of Hawkmoth’s akumas, like Chat Blanc. Now, their friendship was in tatters and innocent civilians were dead. 

Marinette brought up a hand to numbly fondle with the stud in her ear. 

Was it right for her to be the holder of such a precious gift? To bear the responsibility? To hold people’s lives in her hands?

She didn’t know. 

It wasn’t until Chat was setting her gently in her bed that Marinette realized they’d arrived. Marinette flinched and her partner’s anxious face was immediately brought into view. 

“Hey,” Chat began softly. “Are you alright?”

Marinette nodded stiffly, not trusting herself to reply. 

“Why don’t you transform now. Hopefully once you cast the cure you’ll feel better,” Chat suggested. Marinette nodded and quietly called for Tikki. 

Bright red light washed over her, but it was different. What usually felt exciting and alive made her feel ill and dizzy. Her stomach rolled uncomfortably and she swallowed bile. 

“Lucky charm,” Ladybug called unenthusiastically. Chat’s frown only deepened. A plush pink heart dropped through the open sky light and landed in her lap. She picked it right back up and threw it, saying “Miraculous Ladybug.”

A wave of red ladybugs washed over them. Ladybug could feel it work on her, wiping away the grime of blood and the haze of what was likely a concussion. She sat up straighter and breathed a little easier, but it did nothing for the dread plaguing her. 

“Better now?” Chat asked hopefully. Ladybug nodded and dropped her transformation. Tikki looked at her, silently asking for food, and Marinette nodded towards the kitchen below them. The kwami flew off, leaving the pair of them alone. 

“You, um… You know who I am now,” Marinette whispered, her voice dry. 

Chat blanched for a moment before he nodded his head yes. 

“I… I do. It couldn’t be helped, I’m sorry,” Chat answered. 

“No,” Marinette cut him off. “Don’t apologize. What happened today was my fault entirely.”

“Marinette…”

“It was!” Marinette insisted. “I put all of Paris at risk today. That’s on me. You did nothing wrong, Chat.”

Chat frowned. “That’s not true. I shouldn’t have let myself get so distracted trying to save, well,  _ you. _ I should’ve protected you no matter what I was feeling. The world needs Ladybug.”

The admission struck Marinette, and she found her eyes rapidly filling with tears. 

“That’s exactly what I was trying to  _ prevent!” _ Marinette sobbed. “I thought, I thought… If you knew, you’d take hits for me instead. Or that you’d waste your time worrying about me… You shouldn’t have to deal with that. I wanted to keep it handled.”

“I was trying so hard to be a good Ladybug for you, for Paris, but maybe I can’t. If I’m having seizures mid battle… You said the world needs Ladybug, but right now I don’t think she’s me. I should’ve been honest and given the earrings up as soon as I was diagnosed. Here-” Marinette brought her hands up to her ears and began to pull away the backs of her earrings. 

_ “Stop it!” _ Chat Noir gasped, snatching her hands away. “Just… just stop it, please.”

Marinette stared up at him wide eyed, startled by his refusal. “It’s for the best, Chat. I messed up-”

“Marinette, you don’t just get to mess up once and then try to make it better by giving up!” Chat insisted, sounding horrified. 

“You saw us out there, Chat. It wasn’t working. I don’t… I don’t know if it’s going to work,” she admitted quietly. “I hurt you because I was selfish. You deserve better.”

“Do you know how many times I’ve messed up?” Chat asked suddenly. Marinette shook her head. “No, I don’t either. I’ve lost count. Does that mean I decide to just… throw in the towel? To give up?  _ No!” _

“You have to fix things. You apologize, and you step up. You work harder until you get it right. When you need help, you ask for it,” Chat continued. Marinette opened and closed her mouth dumbly, unsure of what to say. 

“It’s not a crime to ask for help, Marinette. You could’ve come to me,” Chat smiled sadly. Marinette felt herself fracture at his words. She should’ve known better. None of this needed to have happened. 

“I’m sorry, Chat. I’m so, so sorry. I would do anything to make it better, please believe me-” Marinette cried, her breaths coming quick and unevenly. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Chat comforted, bringing her closer to him. He allowed her to bury her face in his shoulder and let out her tears. While she cried, Chat ran his hand up and down her back soothingly. 

“We’re going to fix this, Marinette, I promise,” Chat whispered. 

“How?” Marinette wondered aloud. 

“I don’t know just yet,” Chat Noir replied, pressing a tender kiss to the top of her head and holding her tightly. 

-

“I want to tell you who I am,” Chat suddenly spoke a few minutes later, startling Marinette out of the sense of calm he'd lulled her into. For a moment she was frozen in his arms, unsure of how to move, let alone breathe.

It hadn’t even occurred to Marinette once that Chat might want to reveal his own identity. Her mind, too caught up in the chaos of the moment, had failed to comprehend it. 

… Did she want to know? 

“But not right now,” Chat added, pulling away. The disappointment that followed answered her own question. 

“Right now, we… we need time. Time to learn how to trust each other again and to rebuild. A lot happened today that we need time to process. I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to add one more thing to that list,” Chat explained.

Marinette sighed, understanding the reasoning behind his words. She wished they could jump right to the easy part, but nothing was ever quite simple. 

What did all of this mean for them? Chat had seemed to acknowledge her apology, if not accepted it quite yet. He didn’t want her to stop being Ladybug. He wanted to… fix things.

Could they be fixed? Epilepsy didn’t just go away. It would always be a risk to jump into the fight, one that Chat clearly meant to protect her from. Was it right to keep the miraculous? Wasn’t it selfish?

“I don’t think so,” Chat Noir spoke. Marinette’s eyes widened. She hadn’t realized she’d been speaking aloud. “The kind of epilepsy you have is impacted by stress, right? And lack of sleep? We can work on those things and get your symptoms under control. Your medications should help too,” he began listing. 

“Now that I know, I can help too. If I see something coming your way, I’ll be sure to jump in-”

“No, Chat,” Marinette interrupted. “That’s another reason I didn’t want to tell you. You’re not allowed to take hits for me!” 

Chat frowned thoughtfully. “I… I suppose I can work on getting you out of the way instead of jumping in front of you. It’s kind of instinctual, so it’ll take some work, but if it’ll help convince you to stay on the team, I’m all for it.”

Marinette was almost bowled over by the relief she felt at his words. She darted forward to wrap him in another hug. 

“Thank you, Chat… if I had just come to you sooner, we could’ve done this way sooner. I just got wrapped up in my own head. I’m so sorry…” Marinette told him.

“Hey, no more apologies,” Chat scolded lightly as he wrapped his own arms around her. “Let’s just focus on doing better, okay? Both of us.”

Marinette nodded, beginning to wonder if Chat was right. Maybe they could fix things after all. 

-

The next day at school was an odd one. While Adrien had been almost clingy in their interactions in days prior, now he seemed satisfied to watch her from a distance. Every time she felt the prickle of someone watching her, she could turn around and he would undoubtedly be there. 

Adrien never acknowledged the odd looks to her, nor did he seem embarrassed at being caught over and over again. Not once did he come up to speak to her. It had gotten so bad that by the end of the school day Alya and Nino were both commenting on it. 

“He was all over you, what, two days ago? And now he can’t speak to you? That’s weird, girl,” Alya hummed suspiciously. 

“I’ve never seen him like this before. Maybe something’s up at home? I don’t know. Don’t take it personal, Mari. I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything by it,” Nino suggested. 

To be quite honest, Marinette wasn’t particularly bothered by it. She had much bigger things to think about, like the fact that Chat Noir knew her identity and intended to reveal his own, or that they were still working on putting the pieces of their relationship back together. The strange behavior of a boy she had a crush on seemed inconsequential in comparison. 

Marinette hadn’t even dared to think about her budding feelings for Chat Noir. Like her partner said, they could only deal with so many things at a time. 

When the school bell dismissed them, Marinette was finally approached by Adrien on the stairs. He startled her by tapping on her shoulder and she turned around to meet him with wide eyes. 

“Hey, Marinette,” Adrien greeted. “Are you free tonight?”

What? He ignored her all day, and now this?

Marinette realized he was waiting on an answer and quickly pulled herself together. “Yes, um… I think so.”

Adrien nodded, seemingly pleased with the answer. “That’s good,” he replied, before turning and looking over his shoulder at the car waiting for me. “Well, I’ve got to go now. Enjoy your night!” He bid before walking toward his driver.

Marinette stared after him for a moment uncomprehendingly. After that exchange she was even more confused, and slightly concerned. Was Adrien alright? Had she done something to upset him? She seemed to have a track record of that lately, so it wasn’t impossible. 

Well, she could only deal with so much at a time. Marinette squared her shoulders and set off towards her own home, intent to get her homework done quickly so she could use the rest of her evening wondering what to do about Chat Noir. 

Marinette greeted her parents on her way inside, grabbing a snack for herself and Tikki as she went. Once they were up the final step of her staircase, Tikki flew out of her purse and began to nibble on her cookie. 

“How are you feeling today, Marinette?” Tikki asked once she was finished chewing. “Any better?”

Marinette hummed noncommittally, unsure of herself. “It’s definitely better than yesterday, I guess. I still just don’t know all of this can be resolved.”

“Have faith,” Tikki reassured. “If you’re sincere about wanting to fix things, then you’re already one step closer. I believe you can do it!”

“Thanks, Tikki,” Marinette smiled softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Tikki smiled and flew off to finish her cookie. Marinette moved to sit at her desk and opened up her assignments, using the work as a distraction from her messy head. 

A few hours later, a knock against the glass of her skylight pulled Marinette from her work. She almost hissed at Tikki to hide but caught herself before she could. If whoever was on her balcony was who she thought it was, there was no need for the kwami to hide. 

Marinette climbed up the ladder to her bed and looked through the light to confirm her suspicions. It was indeed Chat Noir who was smiling at her from the balcony. She quickly unlatched the hatch to let him in. 

“H-hey,” Marinette greeted awkwardly, unsure of how to approach him. 

“Hey, Buginette,” Chat waved. “Can I come in?”

“O-Oh! Sure,” Marinette stuttered, scrambling to move out of the way so he could join her in the loft. He landed softly against the comforter and fiddled with his hands a bit before looking up at her. 

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he found his voice. “I just wanted to check in on you, after yesterday. I know it was a lot, and to be quite honest, I spent most of today panicking. I can only imagine how you must be feeling.”

“Yeah, it was… a lot, you’re not wrong there,” Marinette replied. “What you said yesterday gave me hope, though. I think I’m willing to try if you are.”

At the news, Chat broke into a relieved smile that made her blush. “That’s- that’s really good, Marinette.”

“I’m still a bit cautious, don’t get me wrong,” Marinette continued. “I reserve the right to decide if it’s not working-”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Chat frowned. “We’ve gotten past stuff before, I’m sure we can do it again.”

Marinette shook her head. “That’s not what I meant, Chaton. I was wrong to think that I had to keep this from you. We’re meant to be a team, and I… I lost sight of that,” she began to explain. 

“If that’s not it, then what?” Chat prompted. 

“If my epilepsy puts Paris in danger, no matter how hard we try not to let it, it’s my responsibility as the Guardian to give the miraculous to a holder who can do things the right way,” Marinette told him firmly. “I won’t put any more lives at risk trying to hold onto something that isn’t working.”

Chat’s frown deepened but he didn’t object, surprisingly. 

“As much as I hate it, I understand why you say that,” Chat admitted reluctantly. “If me being Chat Noir puts people in danger I would give it up too. We just have to hope it doesn’t come to that, I guess,” he sighed. 

“We’ll do our best, okay? If it’s not working, we’ll come to the conclusion together,” Marinette assured him. 

“You won’t give up being the Guardian, will you?” Chat asked suddenly, his eyes wide. 

Marinette hadn’t even thought about it, but she knew her answer the moment he asked. 

“No, I won’t,” Marinette shook her head firmly. “I don’t want to forget all of this, least of all you.”

The tension went out of Chat’s shoulders immediately. “Good. That’s good. I don’t want you forgetting either.”

Marinette found herself smiling a little. Things were going… good? He didn’t seem to be mad at her and he wanted her on the team. She knew that in no way were things back to normal, but this was a start. A good start. 

“I’m happy you think so. I was so worried I’d ruined things…” 

Chat hummed thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t say that. I certainly wasn’t happy, but I don’t like being angry at someone. If you really mean what you’re saying then I don’t want to hold it against you. You were scared and made a bad call. I’ve treated you poorly when I was hurt, and you don’t hold that against me, so…” Chat trailed off, shrugging. 

Marinette found herself in awe of his words and his easy forgiveness. She recalled how eager he was when he thought she’d been intending to apologize the other night and wondered why she was so surprised now. He was so positive and kind, so accepting. 

“Thank you, Chat,” Marinette smiled softly. His smile was equally as soft and genuine. 

“Hey, if you’re feeling better, would you want to… patrol? Maybe try to get back into the swing of things?” Chat offered, albeit a little cautious. She glanced at Tikki who was playing on Marinette’s phone down below, and the kwami nodded encouragingly. 

“I’d like that,” Marinette replied, almost breathlessly, turning back to face her partner. “No separate routes today?” 

Chat nodded quickly, his tail perking up excitedly behind him. “Sure! Let’s go, right now!”

Marinette called for her transformation and felt it wash over her easily. The uneasy feeling that had marked her transformation yesterday was gone, replaced by a sense of burgeoning hope. Chat’s acceptance meant everything. Even if she couldn’t keep being Ladybug, she wouldn’t have to give up her partner. 

That… That changed everything. 

“Let me know if you start not feeling well, okay? We’ll head right home,” Chat told her seriously. 

“I will,” she promised with a smile. He smiled back and then silently gestured for her to go through the skylight first.

The Parisian night sky welcomed her and Chat was quick to follow. He looked to her, his hand poised over his baton. “Ready?” He asked. 

Ladybug took in a deep breath and looked across the river to where the city awaited her. Then, she turned back to her partner. 

She was ready.

And six months later, when it was finally time for her partner’s transformation to fall, she was ready too. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just for noodles because she deserves it:
> 
> "... A-Adrien? You're Chat Noir?" Marinette stuttered, her eyes wide.
> 
> Adrien laughed. "I'm surprised you didn't know already, honestly. I dropped so many hints, especially on our dates!"
> 
> Marinette floundered, stumbling over her words as she scrambled for an excuse. "Wha- But- Well, excuse me for being a little busy! There's not a whole lot of time to think when you're always-"
> 
> Adrien smirked, bringing his hands up to rest below her ears. Swiftly, he dove forward, pressing his lips to hers. 
> 
> Marinette flinched against the surprise attack before relaxing, leaning into and deepening the kiss as the rest of her worries fell away. She sighed into him, running her hand through his soft blonde locks. Slowly and tenderly he pulled away, leaving her with a strange emptiness in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't fair, she wanted more!
> 
> "When I'm always what? Doing that?" Adrien teased, his grin sharp. Marinette groaned. 
> 
> "Shut up and kiss me, dork."
> 
> -
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! Noodles was so sad there wasn't any kissing so I had to add that tidbit in. If it had fit the tone of the rest of the fic it probably would have made it in. For now, you can enjoy this and be haunted by the fact that you don't know which side of Adrien she was dating ;)
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!! i love hearing what you have to say. Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3
> 
> A HUGE thank you to everyone in the Miraculous Fanworks Server who continue to support me and my writing. If it weren't for them I probably wouldn't have written this story. If you're interested in joining us, [click here!](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks)


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